


Crisp Apples

by greenflyer13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coming Out, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Masturbation, Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, Room of Requirement, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-12-23 19:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21086330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenflyer13/pseuds/greenflyer13
Summary: Remus smells something new on Sirius and he loves it





	1. Remus: Apples are better than Cake

**Author's Note:**

> This is set before the first war with Voldemort, so it really doesn't even matter, but in this version, Peter isn't a traitor and James and Lily survive and everyone is happy and no one dies :)

He had noticed the scent before, first a couple of years ago, but only ever in passing. He would walk by Sirius’ bed, or walk past him in the hallway, and notice a trace of the most delicious smell he’d yet found, but he didn’t know what caused it – what new emotion had he not smelled until 5th year? They were all growing up, but the smells usually just got more complex, and this was _different_.  
  
The four of them were in the Great Hall, just finishing lunch, and Remus had just stretched and told a particularly funny joke – _what had he just said? Some pun about gnomes? Why would that cause such a strong reaction? _– and the crisp, sharp, almost spicy fruit smell – _maybe apple?_ – coming from Sirius was almost overwhelming. Remus wanted to lick his neck, to taste it more, or see if he could taste it in his tears if he cried, lick his sharp cheekbones, but he wasn’t crying, and – _oh shit I’ve been staring way too long, also what the fuck is wrong with me, who the fuck just thinks about licking their friend’s neck _– Sirius was just staring back, _with his beautiful grey eyes_, seeming similarly dazed.  
  
James and Peter had finished laughing long since and started talking about possible mischief that could be caused by the animation spell they had learned in charms earlier that day, totally oblivious to the impromptu staring match going on across the Gryffindor table. Sirius seemed to snap to awareness when Remus did, and Remus knew he must have had a look of confusion written all over his face, because Sirius’ smell quickly turned to angry – a little like smoke – and was he afraid? Sour.  
  
Remus looked away, ashamed. He knew he shouldn’t pry like this, it wasn’t fair that he could smell what the others were feeling. Even if he meant the best, it was still an invasion of privacy, and Sirius especially liked to be left alone. He liked to keep his emotions hidden. Remus had long since ignored the sour stench of fear when a letter from Sirius’ parents came and would just try to give him an extra hug or some of his chocolate later. It seemed to help. And Remus loved any excuse to hug Sirius, or touch him, but that was just because he hadn’t gotten touch before Hogwarts, right?  
Remus looked at his plate. He had been so excited about the butter cake that he had been eating a second ago (yes, har har, James, “how do you stay so skinny when 75% of what you eat is sugar?”) but now he just wanted… apples. Sirius’ neck. _Damn_.  
  
The sour smell from Sirius was growing stronger now, and Remus knew he had to get away and calm down and let Sirius feel whatever it was that he was feeling without an audience. He stood up (too quickly) and blurted “sorry” (too loudly) and ran out of the Great Hall, hoping that James wouldn’t be too mad he left in the middle of his plotting. He had some time before Transfiguration. He could go to the library.


	2. Sirius: Unscented Soap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius needs to cool off

Sirius watched Remus leave the hall, not quite able to keep his racing heartbeat in check. He had been so _careful_, he had spent years making sure that his emotions didn’t bother Remus, and it had seemed pretty successful, unlike the first time.  
  
The first time, Sirius didn’t know what was happening. He had gotten the first of many letters from his parents, detailing their anger at his placement in Gryffindor, and the overwhelming sense that he was not yet free came crashing back down on him. _Of course_ his family wasn’t done with him, _of course_ he would have to go back over the holidays, _of course_ this freedom away from his family and in a different Hogwarts house and with different, kinder people was only temporary. He was so scared he almost couldn’t breathe.  
  
It had been around this time that Remus had burst out from behind his own curtains and ran to the bathroom, retching and throwing up in the toilet.  
  
That incident had also been one of the first times his roommates had experienced his “mom overdrive”; he could put aside what he was feeling to take care of his friends, the first three voluntary friends he had ever had. Who cared if he was so drunk he could barely walk, James needed a cup of water? He could get that. Who cared if his Slytherin cousins were being awful to him, they made fun of Peter? He could stand up to them. And so it was that day, who cared if his family was leaving him almost sick with anxiety? Remus needed help, he could do that. He uncurled himself from his bed, where he had been reading the letter, and walked (on surprisingly steady legs) over to the bathroom. He got Remus a cup of water, and gave it to him, and Remus _flinched_ away from him, only to take a shallow breath and then turn back, looking almost surprised.  
  
“Are you alright?” Sirius had asked, not liking the _flinch_; he hadn’t seen Remus act that way since before they got on the train to come here, when his stupid cruel cousin Bella had seen Remus and immediately laughed in his face for his patched trousers and ill-fitting shirt. Remus, short, and skinny, beautiful, golden eyed Remus had looked like he wanted to disappear. Not long after that, Sirius had tripped Bella and sat with Remus on the train, shortly joined by James and Peter, and Remus had said he didn’t need to be in Slytherin with Bella and the rest if he didn’t want to, and he started to feel hope. But that was then, and this was later, and why had he flinched?  
  
“I’m alright, are you alright?” Remus still looked like his mouth was sour, but seemed better, and he had taken the cup.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sirius asked, bewildered. He had almost forgotten the letter. Almost. But Remus didn’t need to know about that.  
  
“You smelled…” Remus stopped, and gave him a hug.  
  
Sirius didn’t know whether to be insulted or amused. He smelled great! He smelled like “Citrus Phoenix”, according to his shampoo bottle, and he knew it. He accepted the hug, out of surprise – _what, is this a hug? This seems alright, I guess, kind of nice_ – and asked James about it later.  
  
“What do you mean, do you smell bad? You smell like a prat!”, he laughed, “Citrus Phoenix smells like burned tangerines.” And that was that.  
  
By second year, by the puzzle pieces clicked into place, Sirius was used to Remus being more perceptive than he wanted. He could hide the letters, he could close his bed curtains, he could wait and read them after he had already gone to sleep, but somehow he would always get an extra hug. And maybe some chocolate. And he didn’t mind too much. Maybe he liked the hugs too much.  
  
Sirius was the first one to figure it out. After the first incident, when Remus threw up, he took more care to watch him. Why did he look so queasy when Sirius or James or Peter felt bad? Wasn’t he a Gryffindor? Was he scared of emotions? But scared didn’t seem the right word, it was more like uncomfortable, and he was always caring and made sure his friends were alright. He wasn’t scared. And the uncomfortableness faded, when he got more used to living with them.  
  
It was the extra notice that he took that made him realize other things. The sickness once per month, the unusual control he had over his emotions (most of the time), his strength, even when he was so skinny. Sirius had been in the library, looking at books on Dark creatures, already dreading going home for the holidays and facing his family’s deplorable New Year’s party. At least this time he wouldn’t see the family “friend”, Greyback. It wasn’t as if he was welcomed with open arms in the Black household, more like welcomed at arm’s distance; he was an “honored friend”, but even watching the scathing respect his parents had to show wasn’t worth the leers he felt as Greyback looked at him, and when he couldn’t hide him, his brother. But he wouldn’t have to see him this time, it was supposed to be a full moon, and he would have “work” to do for the Dark Lord – awful. Sirius tried not to think about it. It was unfortunate that he couldn’t be with his friends at that time. Remus would probably be sick at that time too. _Wait_. Remus was sick every month. Regularly. And would probably be sick this next full moon. _Wait._ Sirius looked down at the page, and read: _werewolves, while in human form, also have an uncanny sense of smell; not only can they smell the presence of other humans, they can smell emotions, too._  
  
Holy shit. Remus was a werewolf.  
  
Sirius had spent a lot of time in the library that night, not leaving until Madam Pince kicked him out, which wasn’t a very Sirius-like thing to do. And even then, he couldn’t go back, his emotions were in a whirlwind, and he didn’t want to upset Remus.  
  
Alright, so fact one: Remus was a werewolf. Fact two: Remus was his friend. Who cared if he had to undergo involuntary transformations once a month? He still cared for him when he was upset… oh, because he could _smell it_… but that didn’t mean he was forced to, did it? When Sirius cared for James or Peter or Remus, it wasn’t because he had to, even when Peter was crying with homesickness and he couldn’t sleep because of it. If he needed to, he could just leave. So could Remus. They cared about their friends.  
  
Fact three: Dumbledore must know about Remus. How could he not? Madam Pomphrey was the one who took care of him every time, they must know the signs, in fact, all of the teachers must know, right? Why else would Professor McGonagall let him miss class without blinking an eye? Not that Remus had ever given them reason to complain, he was absolutely meticulous about not falling behind in class. And Fact four: Dumbledore wouldn’t put any students in harm’s way, he didn’t think. So Remus must be safe, somehow, except _oh god, all of those scars now make sense_ from himself. He must be caged up, somehow. He must hurt himself.  
  
Sirius was more aware than ever of the emotions that he now knew Remus could smell, and he couldn’t go back to the common room. Angry – why didn’t Remus tell him? Tell them? Let them help him? Angry – why had Remus just gone on pretending he couldn’t _literally smell_ all of their emotions? Embarrassed – he must know how much Sirius cares for him, how it’s different from how he cares about James or Peter, even if he can’t quite quantify it for himself yet. Happy – happy? Why was he happy? He knew now what was wrong with Remus every month, he was relieved that he wasn’t going to die of some mysterious disease. Nervous – how was he going to tell Remus that he knew? What would James and Peter think? Sirius was used to having his world view shift. He couldn’t stay a bigot for long, in Gryffindor, with these friends showing him just how wrong his family had been about mudbloods and everything else. Would James care that Remus was a werewolf? Do regular wizards care about this sort of thing? Do regular wizards care about being gay? Sirius pushed that last thought straight out of his head.  
  
He was starting to see that he needed to be more careful. He couldn’t just control his face, he would actually have to control his emotions, too. This wasn’t going to be easy, but he needed to do it, for Remus, who must have been having a much harder time than him, anyway. He needed a place to calm down. A place to make sure he didn’t stink of worry or confusion or any of the other emotions that were pulsing through him. A place to hide, just for a bit.  
  
He stopped and looked around; he didn’t get lost in the castle very often, but here he was, in front of a door he didn’t recognize. He stepped into a room that was just what he needed. A sitting area – what were those, muggle motorcycle magazines? Who set up this room, that they would know what helped him calm down? And a bathroom, with a shower, and unscented soap. He thought back to their own shower, and their scented soaps, and Remus’ unscented – of course even that could be annoying, to an oversensitive nose. He would get rid of his Citrus Phoenix – he had kept it so long just to let James make the ever-present burnt tangerine joke. It didn’t matter. This would be fine. They could do it, and help him, and James and Peter would have to be fine with it. He would make them be fine with it. For Remus.  
  
This – the soap – was one of the first accommodations made for Remus. The next day, James and Peter, although surprised, and angry, and all of the things Sirius had felt, too, had quickly adjusted, and agreed to help Remus (it was a good idea Sirius had brought them back to the tricky little room that had everything they needed, plus two more showers, now, so they could get used to the idea where they wouldn’t let Remus know). They couldn’t hide their new knowledge from Remus for long, of course. They sat in their dormitory, and waited for Remus to come back, knowing that they were probably putting off the smell of three teenage boys thick with worry, and hope, and (we’re sorry, Remus) pity. They knew he wouldn’t want their pity. When Remus got back from the library after he’d been there so long Madam Pince kicked him out (which was a very Remus-like thing to do), he stopped at the door to their dormitory like a deer in headlights. A wolf in headlights. Ha. But then they all hug attacked him, and Sirius hoped, hard, that he knew it would be okay.  
  
Hiding anything from Remus got trickier than ever, but at least Sirius knew how to do it better. It was the middle of their third year that Sirius had his first wet dream – _not about Remus, no, that was a lie, don’t think about it, don’t think about it_ – and knew completely and absolutely that he didn’t want Remus to know, and he took a shower in the middle of the night and cast the strongest cleaning charm he knew on his bed, probably stronger yet due to being fueled by desperation, and he didn’t think Remus knew. He talked to James about the problem, later, when they were alone, and James just laughed and mentioned he’d been using that accommodating room (which annoyingly enough, refused to let itself be put on the map they were trying to make) to wank for the past year now, where he knew he could remove the smell so Remus wouldn’t know. Not that James minded too much if he did, but that room also had a lubricating potion (Sirius flushed red) and nice towels and a comfy bed. Sirius tried to pass the knowledge along to Peter, but he didn’t seem interested. Maybe he would be later.  
  
So Sirius had been careful not to look at Remus too long, or think about Remus too much, unless he was alone in that room, safe – until that day, in the great hall - until Remus had said something amusing - _didn’t he say amusing things all the time, though?_ \- and Sirius had looked at him stretching, when he didn’t mean to – _maybe I should have just let myself watch him stretch in the mornings, sometimes, so maybe I could be more used to it_ – and he couldn’t help himself but think about how nice Remus’ lips looked, curled so nicely around his words, and he just wanted to kiss him. And then, of course, Remus looked at Sirius so confused and maybe upset and Sirius was so angry with himself for making Remus uncomfortable and scared he had let himself be found out that he couldn’t stop looking, trying to see if he was disgusted, but no – just confused, and then he was leaving. Just like that.  
  
“What was that?” James asked, bringing him sharply back to the present.  
  
“I… don’t… I have to go, too, I just remembered I have some. Homework.” Sirius winced at the lame excuse, not wanting to reveal he was planning on going to straight to the room of requirement and get this out of his system. For now. He wondered if Remus ever saw him going there, on the map, and wondered what he was doing. Or if he wanted to join him. He shut his thoughts off again. Remus wasn’t here to smell him, anymore, but dress robes don’t cover everything, and James seeing the physical evidence of his reaction to Moony wasn’t much to be preferred.  
  
James gave him a cool look over his pumpkin juice. “Going to join Moony?”  
  
“No! No, I don’t want him to s…” Sirius trailed off, knowing what a weird sentence that would be to surrounding students. He didn’t want Remus to smell him. What was with him today? He _never_ made a slip like that, not even when he ribbed Remus about his “furry little problem” in front of friends. Remus was too important.  
  
James was still looking at him, considering. “It’s ok, Pads.”  
  
It’s ok to _what?_ It’s ok to need to go to the room of requirement to wank, or it’s ok to lust after one of your best friends? Or it’s ok to go after Moony? No, Sirius wasn’t going to go there. He may not have told James outright that he had it bad for Remus, but he wasn’t great at hiding it, not when so much of his effort was put towards hiding it from Remus himself. And yet here was James, telling him “it’s ok”, pretending to be the epitome of emotional maturity now that he got Lily to go with him to Hogsmeade, once, finally, when he stopped being such an ass around her all the time. Ok. It’s ok.  
  
Sirius just nodded and left. It’s ok. He walked quickly to the seventh floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapters being so disproportionate! Again, I'm new at this. Thanks for reading!


	3. Remus: Fresh Cut Grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus wants to smell it again, and makes some questionable decisions

Remus walked rather blindly along the corridor, wanting to be away from Sirius, wanting not to bother him. He knew where Sirius would probably go, the Room of Requirement. Sirius, and sometimes James, went there when they didn’t want to be overheard. Oversmelled. Whatever. Remus didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, so he pretended he didn’t know. He didn’t ask what kind of feelings they wanted to hide from him. Maybe they were disgusted with him? Maybe they didn’t want to be his friend, but felt that they had to? He didn’t think so, that would be quite contrary to the absolute joy he smelled from them – springtime, flowers, fresh cut grass – when they pranked with him, or ran with him on the full moons. Whatever they had to keep to themselves, it didn’t matter. And if his awareness of them and their scents only increased the longer he lived with them, he didn’t need to worry them by telling them – he didn’t want them to be more uncomfortable with their unconventional roommate than they already were.  
  
It didn’t help that the first time he smelled Sirius be so scared – sour, bad milk, skunk – it was so overwhelming to him that he actually threw up. It had been close to a full moon, and he wasn’t used to living in such close quarters, anyway, and Sirius’ fear had been insistent and somewhat terrifying. He knew that smell, or the close enough equivalent in others, from his parents, when he was in the hospital, or other patients. It wasn’t a good smell. Remus only meant to get out of bed and comfort Sirius, but instead, he had to go straight for the toilet – and good thing he hadn’t hesitated. When Sirius came to comfort _him_, instead, Remus was very embarrassed, and let slip about smell – he felt terrible, but he was confused how Sirius’ fear had all but gone away, replaced with something caring, like fresh laundry. It wasn’t until later that he saw Sirius’ mom-overdrive in action, and found the pattern of nasty letters and sour milk, that he understood.  
  
Remus thought he knew one of the reasons that James went, as he saw it increase with the increase of Lily’s attentions. He knew long before James did that Lily would accept, and not just because he and Lily were friends (they became friends when Remus asked – no, begged – her help on his potions work, the one subject he was actually dreadful at). He knew because of her reactions. The ones she couldn’t hide.  
  
He didn’t tell her about it. Maybe he should have, maybe it was too much of an invasion of privacy to notice that she started smelling strongly of citrus whenever James was around, especially when he looked windswept and not at all bad just coming from a Quidditch game, _but not as good as Sirius, don’t think about that, don’t think about that_, as well as once when they were studying in the library and she was lost in thought and she was looking absently at a picture of a popular wizard singer – well. It didn’t take too much to figure out what that smell meant. And after around their third year, if James occasionally smelled kind of like like citrus as well, maybe grapefruit instead of oranges, when Lily was around, and then sometimes had that same scent before he skipped off to the room of requirement, he didn’t mention it. Maybe he should have, if only just to tell James that he could stay in the comfort of his own bed if he just used a silencing charm, that he didn’t really mind too much, and citrus wasn’t his favorite smell but it wasn’t bad, but that conversation would have made Remus just about die from embarrassment.  
  
Peter didn’t feel the need to use the room of requirement at all, but he also didn’t smell any lust on him, not even when a rather nice looking Hufflepuff had asked him to go to Hogsmeade with her. All he smelled was discomfort and embarrassment – moldy biscuits. And her disappointment – mold, and frost.  
  
Sirius used the room for more than just lust, if he used it for that at all – _how would that smell? Sirius’ lust? I bet it would be delicious – no, don’t think about that, idiot _– because he also used it whenever he got a letter from his parents, or whenever whatever he was feeling was overwhelming. He didn’t want to comment, but sometimes he felt like an over-cared for invalid; he wasn’t going to throw up at every strong smell. Maybe it was good for Sirius, though, to take a break instead of flying off the handle and bouncing around the common room in destructive joy, but Remus wanted to capture Sirius’ happiness and stick his nose in it. Green grass, fresh cut. His favorite variation.  
  
Except for this. His new favorite smell. One that he didn’t want to never smell again. How would he make Sirius feel this again if he didn’t even know what it was? Maybe it was a variation on annoyance – he didn’t always think puns were funny, except that was a lie, Sirius thought Remus’ puns were great, he could smell his amusement – cinnamon. Another of his favorite smells. He made jokes as much as he could, so that couldn’t have been it. What else had been happening? Remus had to stop, and shake himself, shake his head – whatever the smell had been, Sirius obviously didn’t want him to know about it. He should stop. He shouldn’t try to stretch in front of Sirius again. That would be a bad idea. Very bad. Don’t do it.  
  
He was going to do it.  
  
By the time he got to transfiguration, his friends were already all there. He slid into his usual spot by Sirius and could smell – well, couldn’t, he could not-smell – that Sirius had, indeed, been to the Room of Requirement and showered with whatever soap that was there that got rid of all scents. Without that lack of smell, he wouldn’t have been able to tell; he was wearing the same clothes, and he had even charmed his hair dry. It was almost a disappointment, but at least the soap didn’t get rid of Sirius’ base smell, the one that made him uniquely him. Remus breathed him in, hoping he was being discrete, before remembering that now would be an _especially bad time_ for Sirius to think he was trying to smell him. Oh well.  
  
“All right, Moony?” Sirius asked, not quite looking at him. The normal. Since when had that been normal? Remus didn’t quite know, just that sometimes after he was gone and came back like this, he didn’t quite look him in the eye. That was alright, but he wanted Sirius to look at him so that he could stretch and see if he could get that scent again. At least he hadn’t noticed him smell him.  
  
“I’m great, Pads”, said Remus, pulling him into a sort of one-armed hug. It was the least he could do, a little _I’m sorry_, even if Sirius didn’t know it.  
  
McGonagall started the lesson, and his opportunity was gone, for a while. _Unless._ Remus was a good student, notoriously the best student in the marauders, where brains were respected but paying attention in class was optional. _Unless I get him to feel… whatever that was… in class?_ Remus didn’t know if he was going off the deep end or what, but even McGonagall’s stunning example of how to enchant a self-vanishing wastepaper basket wasn’t enough to keep his mind off of the boy next to him. Even Sirius probably wouldn’t run off in the middle of class, would he? And maybe if Remus pretended he didn’t notice it, whatever it was, he would be more comfortable, right? This was right on the edge of Remus’ limits of morality, but he didn’t quite care anymore.  
  
Remus pulled out a handkerchief and pretended to blow his nose. Not that a runny nose would stop him from smelling Sirius, who he was so attuned to, at this point, but who needed to know that? And then, with Sirius’s half glance at him of concern, he stretched again. Immediately, he felt like an idiot. Why would him stretching make Sirius feel anything? He was obviously an idiot, why would Sirius feel the same way he did when he saw Sirius stretch, in the morning in their dormitory, so lazily beautiful that it made Remus feel like he had been punched in the stomach. He couldn’t even figure out quite what _that_ feeling was, or rather, he didn’t want to stop and examine it, so why should Sirius feel anything of the sort?  
  
Remus was about six feet deep with his own embarrassment and hastily trying not to think about Sirius in the morning, _with his rough voice and sleepy eyes, no, don’t think about that_, that it took him a second to notice that the scent was back. _That_ scent. Sirius’ scent, of sharp crisp apples and spice, and _oh fuck I miscalculated, I forgot how much I want to_ taste _this_, and it took nearly all of Remus’ willpower to not look at Sirius, to not react at all, to make a small note on the diagram he was drawing about perpetually vanishing objects, and not to smile or drool. _Damn_.


	4. Sirius: Of Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is still on the struggle bus

Of course.  
  
Of course it was today of all days, when he had already _gone_ to the room of requirement, and stood in the shower, hands on his cock, and tried to think of anything else than one of his best friends, of Remus, of Moony, of his curly hair and his beautiful eyes and the scars on his back and his nose that he wanted to kiss, of the scars he had seen on mornings after full moons that went all the way down his torso, of all of them that he wanted to kiss, of _other_ places on Moony that he wanted to kiss, and who was he kidding? He wanted to kiss _all_ of him. Okay, so he didn’t try too hard not to think about Moony, of kissing him, of Moony kissing him back, of kissing down Moony’s throat and chest and down that soft patch of blondish hair and licking along his shaft and taking him into his mouth and – and – _oh_. It didn’t take long. It never does, when thinking of his Moony.  
  
And after all that, in carefully washing himself with the unscented soap, or maybe it was unscent-ing soap? Soap that makes you yourself unscented? He cleaned his clothes, and dried his hair, and made himself look presentable for transfiguration.  
  
He arrived there before Remus had, which was a small surprise – where had Remus gone when he left the great hall? He didn’t let himself worry, didn’t let himself feel much of anything, even when Remus came in before class started looking slightly wide-eyed and disoriented.  
  
“All right, Moony?” He asked, not quite looking at him, because how could he, when he had just come dreaming of his cock in his mouth? He couldn’t let him know. He couldn’t be obvious. They were friends. He needed him as a friend.  
  
“I’m great, Pads,” came the reply, and Remus hugged him. A relief, a relaxing of tension he wasn’t aware he still carried. He loved getting hugs from Remus, although he hadn’t known quite how to respond, at the beginning. Even now, he waited for Remus to hug him first. This hug made him feel alright again. Remus wasn’t going to reject him for what happened at lunch. Maybe he didn’t know he was horny just looking at him.  
  
So of course it was today, after all of that, that Sirius still couldn’t contain himself. He had just looked over to make sure that Remus was okay, that he wasn’t getting sick, which didn’t happen very often but was usually pretty bad, and he saw Remus stretching, _again_, his lean body more defined against the robes, his neck exposed, giving a small, post-stretch sigh. He needed to look away, he needed to run away, but he couldn’t run mid-class, not with detention from McGonagall on the line, when he would use her good graces now to get out of pranks later. But it was too late, anyway, he could feel himself swelling again beneath his robes – _good god, what’s the use of wanking mid-day if I’m just going to be hard again so quickly?_ – and there was no way Remus hadn’t smelled him already.  
  
Unless he really was sick. How much did a runny nose block? He didn’t know, and Remus didn’t make any indication of surprise or confusion like he had that morning, just continuing to make notes, like he should be doing, instead of looking at Remus’ hands, his long fingers moving elegantly along the page. _Damn, even his hands are attractive_, and then, _I don’t want him to be sick… but if I could look, wouldn’t that be nice?_ And then, _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I’m such a bad friend_.  
  
Didn’t he know what he was smelling that morning? Sirius hadn’t really thought about it until then. Would he know that he was smelling lust? How had that consideration slipped his mind? He had been so worried about getting to the room of requirement, and then trying to not feel anything at all, that he didn’t give himself space to think about it.  
  
First assumption: he knew. Why else would he run off? He had been furious with himself for letting it show, for making Remus uncomfortable. What if Remus knew he was gay? He had told James, of course, his brother in all but blood, because he didn’t think anything could slip past him, and although some wizards were still stuck in old ways of thinking, not all of them were. Muggles, though, like Remus’ mother, were different – what did she think? What did Remus think? He didn’t necessarily know that Sirius was gay from lunch, though. He could have though Sirius was lusting after someone else.  
  
Or what if he didn’t know? Why would he even run out, then, if he didn’t know what the scent was for? Sirius thought back to how he felt, obviously embarrassed, angry at himself for thinking about his friend that way, ashamed. And scared, scared that Remus would find out, that he would know. So of course Remus would leave, he would want to give Sirius privacy. He had noticed Remus leaving at such times before, always with a hug or a reassuring word or some chocolate, and always letting him know where he was going to go, if he was wanted. But this morning hadn’t been quite like this. He _fled_ the great hall.  
  
And now here he was, stretching again. Sirius was a veritable whirlwind of emotions, not realizing just how much his control had slipped until here was Remus, stretching again, and pushing their legs together under the desk, and _holy fuck_ did he look good. He was done for.


	5. Remus: Oranges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus chats with Lily in the library

It was almost a week and Remus still didn’t know what that scent was, but he was dying to smell it again.  
  
That day, it had been so hard not to touch Sirius, not to look at him and lick his neck and see if he could taste that sharp apple scent in his mouth, that Remus had to exit the room quickly with his books held over his lap, and at that point, he gave up trying to deny he wanted to do not-just-regular-best-friends things to Sirius. Like lick all over his skin.  
  
The first stretch was such a success, but only for a minute – he worked hard to pretend he hadn’t noticed anything, and being able to smell Sirius like that was bliss (torture, because he couldn’t do anything about it, but bliss), but after a minute the scent of Sirius’ emotions transformed again, like they had at breakfast. Confused and scared – rotten lemons – and then more fear. Sour milk. Vinegar. He hadn’t smelled such strong emotion off of Sirius for a long time, and although he didn’t want to discourage it, (maybe Sirius did believe he had a cold? That he couldn’t smell?) he wanted Sirius’ crisp apple smell back. Sharp. Demanding. Delicious.  
  
So he stretched again. He didn’t know if it would work, but he didn’t want Sirius afraid anymore, so he slowly, carefully, “accidentally” pushed his leg against Sirius’ too. For reassurance, he told himself. And it worked. Perfectly. Except, now, it was Remus’ turn to try to hide (his boner) and run off after class. Great. Now Sirius would think he was avoiding him, avoiding this whole awkward situation, except for that he caught a whiff of relief (floral) right before he left; Sirius wanted to be left alone too. He could do that. This would be ok.  
  
So now here he was, sitting in the library a week later, feeling guilty and wanting to make Sirius feel that way again, in equal measure. And here was Lily, who had come in smelling like oranges, and he felt equally guilty, knowing her secrets when he didn’t mean to.  
  
“How was your day, Lily?” Remus asked, as he set out his potions homework. It had been a while since he had needed her help on essays, but he liked to get the work done while she was around, anyway, in case she had suggestions. Or more like, snarky comments whenever he said something incorrect. He was not below just reading his essay out loud and listening for when she made derisive noises. And he knew she didn’t mind.  
  
“Oh, alright, I guess… I’ve been looking forward to going to Hogsmeade next weekend with James. Maybe after he’ll stop bothering me so much,” she said, distractedly, leafing through some history notes. Remus knew this was a lie. (Not that James would ever stop going after her, he wouldn’t, not when she had given him the slightest attention, but the idea that she wanted him to leave. She didn’t.) He had wanted to get her feeling focused, or happy, or curious, or something other than… oranges.  
  
What if he told her? He didn’t have to tell her everything… there was such a thing as Legilimency, and he had heard that some people had that ability from birth, not from any learned skill. He could just say that he could magically pick up on other’s emotions. So what was the worst thing that could happen if he told her?  
  
She could find out he was a werewolf. But she was a true friend, and she would never harm him, and besides, as a muggle-born, she didn’t have some of the same prejudices others did. He thought it would be okay, really.  
  
She could be furious at him for not telling him yet… but that was why he wanted to tell her, and surely, she would understand that, right? Messing with people’s emotions was what he wanted _not_ to do. And he really needed help with Sirius.  
  
Also bad: the possibility that she would want him to learn more Legilimency to control himself, which he couldn’t. Maybe he could tell her he was trying to do that already.  
  
He hardly noticed, in all of this, that her scent had changed to something like clean robes. Caring, or maybe she was worried about him. He sighed.  
  
“Are you alright, Remus? You’ve been a little off the past week. Is everything alright?” Lily’s green eyes picked over Remus, trying to figure him out. To be honest, he was quite surprised she hadn’t found out his “furry little secret” yet. Maybe she had. Maybe she just hadn’t known about the “smelling-people’s-emotions-in-a-blatant-disregard-of-privacy” part. Ugh.  
  
“I’m alright, I’ve just…” Remus stopped. Was he really going to do this? To trust her with this? Why not? “So. Have you ever heard about people who are natural legilimens? Like, can feel people’s emotions from birth, or whatever?”  
  
Lily frowned. “I didn’t know there were natural legilimens like that. I mean, Severus always thought that branch of magic was interesting, but I just thought it was creepy. Why would you ever want to see the inside of someone else’s head? And yeah, yeah, it’s not mind reading, Sev told me that enough, but I still don’t like it.”  
  
_Oh… shit._ This was not turning out well, Remus always hated to bring up Snape around Lily. “What if… they couldn’t help it? Like a baby, or whatever, couldn’t help reading emotions? What if they hated it?”  
  
“I suppose that would be different… it would probably be inconvenient, I’d imagine, not being able to turn it off…”  
  
“It’s _so_ inconvenient.” Remus could have smacked himself across the forehead. That was not the way he wanted that to come out. He closed his eyes, and breathed slowly, waiting for Lily to yell at him, or tell him off, or any number of things. Instead, he smelled her disbelief, some herbal spice, and then, annoyance – smoke – of course, and then, was that cinnamon? Amusement? He opened one eye slowly.  
  
Lily was gaping at him across the table, looking stunned, and then let out a loud peal of laughter. “That makes so much sense! So _that’s_ why you’re so good at taking care of people, you gave Mary a handkerchief the other week before I had even noticed she was crying, and YET you’re so oblivious whenever someone isn’t right next to you, you dumbass! Marlene was trying to _set Mary up with you_, did you even notice? “Mary thinks you’re sweet, Mary likes studying with you,” and you know what you said? “I hope you and Mary have a fun time at Hogsmeade together”, TOTALLY ignoring what she said! You dumbass!” Lily paused, considering. “Wait. Does Marlene like Mary?”  
  
Remus looked at her, stunned. Waiting. Would she be embarrassed, now that she knew he could tell what she was feeling? It didn’t seem like it. He guessed she had actually been fairly open with him before; it wasn’t too much different. He hoped. Maybe she was just avoiding it by feeling other things, instead. Maybe she hadn’t entirely realized yet.  
  
It took another couple of seconds for her words to sink in. “I… didn’t… I knew… ah fuck. I didn’t know Mary liked me, I guess because she’s been avoiding me ever since that conversation with Marlene…” Remus paused. He knew who Marlene liked. He knew who liked Marlene. He knew who liked Mary (Peter, although he just was happier when she was around - no lust, that he could tell). He couldn’t tell Lily any of that. “Lily, that’s the problem. I know all of this shit that I shouldn’t know, and I don’t want to make people uncomfortable around me by telling them that I can tell, but I don’t want to invade their privacy. Don’t you see how this could be an issue?”  
  
Lily was grinning back at him now. “I can tell who likes who, too, for the most part. It doesn’t take magic.” Her face softened. “I guess I can see how that could be uncomfortable, but the fact that you’re considering that makes it… not okay to pry, I guess, but you’re being considerate. I know you’re not malicious. It’s okay.”  
  
Lily considered for a minute. Remus caught a brief hint of oranges before molding vegetation, and his face became somewhat red. Okay, now he was in for it. Now she understood.  
  
Lily’s face was also turning bright red, reflecting her embarrassment and clashing with her hair. “You won’t tell James, will you?”  
  
“NO! Lily, no, no, I won’t. I… well… I’ve been around you a long time, and I haven’t told James anything. I don’t really talk about it with anyone, much. It doesn’t do me many favors… the Marauders all know, of course, and you. But not many others. I don’t want it to change things, and I’m sorry for invading your privacy.” Remus also stopped to consider. “I’m telling you now because I need your advice…”  
  
Lily seemed to collect herself a bit at this. “I’ll give you advice if you do me a favor.” Her grin was back, a little too mischievous for Remus’ liking, reminding him uncomfortably of James. Or comfortably. Good god, they would be such a power couple.  
  
“What’s the favor?”  
  
“I want you to tell me if any of my friends are pining for each other unnecessarily. I’ll tell you who I suspect, and you just have to confirm or deny. In a way, you’ll be doing them a service; I’ll stop at nothing to get them together. If one of them doesn’t feel the same way, you can just say not to try, no harm done. Does that sound okay? Using your powers for good?”  
  
This was the exact sort of shit that James would pull if he were a little more of a match maker. He had already told the Marauders that he wasn’t going to carelessly tell anyone anything that they shouldn’t already know, but Lily wasn’t a Marauder. And this did seem like a good cause. And he really needed her help.  
  
“I’ll do it.”  
  
“Marlene and Dorcas.”  
  
“… yes...” Remus could have added that Marlene did, in fact, like Mary, but he thought she liked Dorcas rather more, and would be happy. Dorcas was head over heels for her, too. It smelled like pineapples.  
  
“YES! I can’t wait, I have a plan made already!” Lily smelled like springtime and cinnamon, and it made Remus happy too. Thank fuck she hadn’t been angry with him or embarrassed for long. “So what’s your problem?”  
  
“Something… odd… happened last week.” Remus knew what he wanted to say but saying it out loud was something else. How pathetic could he get? “Sirius had a new smell… I mean a new emotion.” God damn it. He peeked at Lily, who didn’t seem to think anything of it, and was waiting for him to continue. “Sorry, they… the emotions… they have specific smells associated with them, to me.” That was kind of backwards, but oh well, Lily didn’t need to know that. “And… I don’t know what it is. The emotion. Of Sirius’.” Remus flinched. This was sounding lame, even to his own ears. “And I really like it. And I want to smell it again. It smells so good, like crisp apples, and it’s just fantastic, and I can’t even eat apple pie without thinking about it, except apple pie doesn’t smell as good, and I so want to taste it, and I can’t just ask him what that was, because he’s so careful about hiding his emotions… it happened at lunch when I told a joke and stretched and then right after he was mad and scared and I kind of ran away and he went to… shower, I think, so I wouldn’t smell him, and then in Transfiguration I just wanted to smell it again because it’s so delicious and so I made him look at me and stretched again, even though that was stupid, and he felt whatever it was again and I almost… Lily, this isn’t funny!”  
  
Remus knew he had been rambling, and he was actually quite caught up in himself, in trying to get the story out as fast as possible before he smelled her disgust, that he didn’t realize for slightly too long that what she was actually feeling was amusement, and happiness. Spiced wine, maybe. And then a second longer to recognize that that wasn’t what was showing on her face, until she burst into peals of laughter.  
  
“You’re really not kidding about this shit, are you? I was trying to be an understanding friend, but oh well, if I can’t hide it, that’s super funny!” Lily got out between giggles, laughing harder at a bewildered Remus.  
  
“I just told you I made my friend uncomfortable, on purpose, and you think it’s funny?” Remus was still disbelieving. “I’d do practically anything to smell that again, and I thought you would be disgusted, or mad, or tell me to give it a rest! I need someone to tell me to quit it and leave him alone because I’m having a hard time convincing myself of that right now, and I can’t ask something like… this… from James or Peter!” He put his head down in his hands, and then brought it right back up. He could smell how she felt, why could he then hide from her? Merlin, this was mortifying.  
  
Lily’s joy had subsided, but she was still surprisingly calm. “Remus. I really am sorry that this is making you upset, but… can you tell me, do good and bad emotions… smell… different, to you?”  
  
Remus tried hard not to flinch. He wasn’t quite ready to tell her the werewolf thing quite yet; her talking about smell was still uncomfortable. “Yeah, vastly different… usually, good feelings smell like good things, in general. And I know you’re going to say that if it smelled good, it must be a good feeling, right? But then why would he be trying so hard to keep it away from me?”  
  
Lily nodded but didn’t answer. “Okay, so tell me, do different emotions smell the same coming from different people?”  
  
“No… a lot of times, they smell similar, but not quite the same. Most of the time I have to use context clues. See, that’s another thing; I love the smell of laughter, from anyone, and I hate fear, from anyone, and I might like Sirius’ laughter more than others, but I’ve never smelled anything this attractive on anyone else…” Remus stopped, sure he had said too much. He had told her he was bi a long time ago, but he didn’t need her thinking he had a _crush_ on Sirius. _Even if I want to lick his neck and put my fingers through his hair._ They were just friends. They were best friends. He did _not_ need to be in love with Sirius, who wouldn’t ever feel the same way. _I’m fine, totally not crushing on my best friend, it’s fine_.  
  
Lily’s happiness was back, simmering beneath the surface of an otherwise calm exterior. And the mischief in her eyes was back, too. “Ok. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to try to do some recon by talking to James. I’ll try to figure out if he’s talked to James about this, and then we can figure it out from there. I’m not going to give you any advice yet, because you’ve probably thought it all out, and more, but maybe if we know what it is, you can get past it somehow. Alright?”  
  
Remus knew better than to disagree with her outright, when she was plotting something. She was just as good at making plans as any of them, although usually to different ends, and she never got in trouble. But this determination from her about this subject was almost frightening. “… you won’t tell James about this, will you?”  
  
“No, I won’t tell him about Sirius… although, is it alright if he knows I know about your… Legilimency? You did say that he already knows about it.” Her eyes almost pierced right through him.  
  
Remus flashed through scenarios in his head. Tell her yes, and he would have to tell James that he talked to her about it. Tell her no, and she would want to know why, and he might have to tell her he’s actually a werewolf. Why else would he say no? “Yes, yeah, yes, that’s alright,” he bumbled. Wait, now he would have to talk to James about why he talked to Lily. Fuck, why was this getting so complicated? Lying should be second nature by now, he hid everything, why did it have to be so difficult when his emotions were involved?  
  
And why was this particular issue so emotional? Okay, sure, it was technically about an emotion, but why couldn’t he get himself together? So what if he loved this feeling from Sirius, and he wanted to smell it again – and lick his neck - _and crush my lips to his and stick my tongue in his mouth and_ – okay, so he was totally crushing on Sirius. And he desperately needed Sirius not to know, because he was his best friend, because he loved him. Because he was in love with him.  
  
Fuck.


	6. Sirius: Snuffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James take a walk by the forest

It might have just been that his animagus form overlapped a little too much with his human one, but Sirius really loved walks. Maybe a little bit of it was that having something to do with his body allowed his thoughts to slow down and focus, or that James or Remus or Peter usually went with him and talking to his friends was always fun, or that he really liked to be outdoors… or that when they were far enough away from the castle, he could turn into a dog and run around and bark and not have to feel human emotions quite so intensely at all. When that was what he needed.  
  
Whatever the reason, James knew he liked walks, and that if he was emotional, he wanted to be away from the dorm. And so every once in a while, out past the quidditch pitch, he brought up topics he suspected Sirius might not want to talk about. Peter had likened it to a dog who was told they were going to the park and instead went to some sort of muggle pet healer called a “vet”. Instant betrayal.  
  
“Don’t look at me like that, Sirius! You can’t just keep things bottled up forever,” James wheedled. This time, they were alone.  
  
“Yes, I can!” Sirius knew he sounded petulant, but he wouldn’t let that get in the way. He did not want to talk about the way he’d “been acting very weird around Moony, and it’s been a whole week, and you better start talking about it so that we can get through it and get back to supper, because I’ll be hungry by then, but I wouldn’t leave you out here alone with your feelings, so could we get started?” Stupid James, knowing him too well. And being too practical about this.  
  
Sirius did have to admit that he had been off. He had been extra careful around Remus, making sure to never touch him or look at him, but also not be weird about refusing any attention. And still talking to him. And acting like normal. And trying not to be too obvious every time he slipped off to the Room of Requirement after Moony did something hot like wear one of the muggle rock band t-shirts Sirius had lent him, or stepped out of the bathroom with wet curly hair, or wrote notes in class with his beautiful hands, or… exist. Damn, why did this all have to matter so much? He fucking _loved_ Remus, why did he have to be so funny? And smart? And beautiful? And just the best person he had ever met, truly. Why did he have to be so fucking horny all the time, why couldn’t he just be his friend and leave it at that?  
  
Because more than how much he wanted to just bring Remus into his bed and snog him forever, he needed Remus as a friend. Remus was the one who was the best at taking care of him, who was always aware if there was something wrong, but never pushed too far. He was the one he could talk to about his problems, perhaps at a little emotional distance, but without the constant peppering of solutions that were overly optimistic, like from James, and without the “sorry, Pads, that sucks” and then an excess of distractions, like from Peter. Both of them were doing the best they could, and were usually not bad, but Remus was the best.  
  
“I know you’re talented at shutting down, Pads, you’re the best at tricking Moody when we try to prank him. But really, what’s wrong?” James looked concerned.  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. James knew practically everything else about him, why not this? And maybe talking about it would help him get over it. “I’m in love with Remus.” Deep breath out.  
  
“Yes, and?”  
  
Sirius looked sharply at James. “What the fuck do you mean, “yes, and?” I just bared my soul to you, you daft fuck, that’s the whole problem! He’s so fucking perfect and I can’t get over him, why aren’t you telling me not to ruin the friend group or some shite?”  
  
“Wait, did you just figure that out? I’ve know that for ages, Sirius, do you think I’m blind?”  
  
Sirius gaped at him, in surprise and then horror. “Am I that obvious?”  
  
“Well, yeah… you’ve always looked at him differently, haven’t you? You’re always wanting to take care of him, even since second year, I thought you would beat me up when I was surprised about his furry little problem. You were so determined to make things better for him, I mean, we all were, but you took it the hardest, and then you came out to me as gay and it just clicked, I mean, you’re always the first one to run off to the infirmary and see him, I don’t know… and you always run off to the Room of Requirement after staring at him too long… ”  
  
Sirius wanted to sink down into the ground and die. He took several breaths. “Do you think he knows, then?”  
  
“… you know, I don’t think so. He’s kind of intentionally oblivious about complex emotions sometimes, do you remember when he turned down Mary accidentally?”  
  
Sirius gave a small laugh but was pinged with a little jealousy. It would be nice to be able to ask Remus out like a normal person. Like he wouldn’t be risking such an important friendship for it. “I do remember that, do you think he knows even now?”  
  
“Probably not…” James chuckled for a second, and then turned serious again. “So, was that it? You finally figured it out, last week?”  
  
_Of course, he couldn’t be distracted so easily._ “No, I guess there was something else… James, I’m so scared of scaring him off. I don’t let myself think about him when I’m around him, I don’t even look at him anymore unless he’s sleeping and he left his curtains open… Merlin, that sounds creepy.” Sirius was waffling, trying to stall telling the events of last week. “The other day, I… couldn’t help myself. I thought for sure that he knew then, over lunch when he ran off, do you remember? I thought for sure I had shown myself, that he would be uncomfortable that I was so horny over him, but then he didn’t act any differently, or maybe he… unsettled me… intentionally? during Transfiguration? And I couldn’t figure it out, and it’s just been driving me wild. Does he know, or not? How could he not? But I don’t want to scare him away… what do I do?” Sirius ended, somewhat helplessly. He just wanted to make sure Remus was okay, whatever he was feeling himself. Fuck.  
  
“Hmmm… let me think about that,” James said, steering them along the path on the very outer edges of the lawn, nearer the forest and on the opposite side of the stands from the castle. Still an area that students were allowed in, but a much less traveled path than the main lawn. Not that being allowed had kept them from the forest before. “I don’t think that Remus knows… but things have been so odd between you two that I’m not sure which is you ignoring him and which is him trying to give you space. He must have known you were upset?”  
  
Sirius considered. “I did feel upset after… I mean, I just don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me, so when I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him, I was mad and I was scared of his reactions.”  
  
“So is it possible he was just upset that you were upset? He does care rather a lot about you…” James suggested, hopefully.  
  
“Yeah, maybe,” Sirius said, looking for a quick way out of this conversation. He did appreciate James’ help, but talking about how he felt about Moony made him jittery, hyped up, heartbeat too fast. He looked around, but no one else was visible on this side of the pitch. “Care for a run?”  
  
“Nah, I’m good for right now, you go on ahead. We could play fetch?” James teased, still amused by Sirius’ affinity for the game. Sirius would have denied it fervently, but although Remus couldn’t smell their emotions precisely when they were in animal form, joy was pretty unmistakable, and he had outed Sirius as a fetch-loving dog a long time ago. Jokes on them, after they had stopped making fun of him for it so long, they liked it too.  
  
“Deal,” said Sirius, and let his front paws hit the ground running. He sank into the transformation, letting his confused emotions slip into the more simple ones of a dog, and he just wanted to run and to smell everything and to chase after things and to have Moony next to him, because he loved him. That would be enough.  
  
They had only been playing for a few minutes when Sirius noticed a figure sitting off the path, writing in a book. Lily. He would have transformed back immediately, but she was already looking at him, confused as to how there was a dog running around the grounds. At least it had been a muggle-born; he had scared the pants off a Slytherin first year who had apparently thought him to be the Grim. It had been hilarious.  
  
Lily, however, was more of a problem, as she seemed even more happy to see James there, and was apparently intending to talk to him. James was surprised to see her, but apparently didn’t see the issue that was his friend, as an illegal animagi, stuck, while he talked to his lady friend. This would be interesting.  
  
“James! I was just meaning to talk to you, actually!”  
  
James looked delighted. “I always mean to talk to you. May I say, the color of your hair puts even these beautiful fall trees to shame?”  
  
“You may not.” Lily gave a typical response to him flirting with her, but her heart wasn’t in it like it used to be. “Is that your dog?”  
  
Sirius had been tagging along James’ side, and realized immediately that he should have just ran away at first sight of her. James could have said that he was just a random dog, perhaps from Hogsmeade, but now here he was, lying down between the two of them, as James had sat to face Lily.  
  
“Uh, yes. I mean, no. This dog is a friendly dog. I mean, yes, I know this dog, but I’m not this dog’s owner… he lives in Hogsmeade…” James fumbled, trying to come up with a half believable story.  
  
“Oh, you’ll have to introduce me to the owners next time we’re there! Can I pet him?” Lily scooted closer, and at James’ shrug, put her hand out tentatively. Sirius sighed internally, but pets wouldn’t be bad… better if they were from Moony, who sometimes forgot what he was doing when he was reading and gave him the best pets and let his hand rest on his side and practically cuddled him. But pets from Lily wouldn’t be bad. “What’s his name?”  
  
“Um. Snuffles.” James invented, and Sirius let out a loud snuffle, out of derision, but it helped serve the story. Oh well. “So what did you want to talk about?”  
  
“Oh, I just wanted to talk to you when you weren’t with you roommates,” started Lily.  
  
“On second thought, maybe I should send Snuffles back home,” James interrupted. Sirius agreed, if this was going to get sappy, he would run straight into the forest this second.  
  
“Nooo, he’s so cute!” Lily cooed, and Sirius could see James’ internal struggle. He would never be able to resist making Lily the slightest bit happy. “Anyway, it’s about Sirius and Remus,” she continued, petting Sirius, causing James to stare at her and Sirius to whip his head around. “Nooo, sweetie, not Snuffles, Sirius.” James let out a somewhat shrill laugh.  
  
“What about them?” James asked.  
  
“Well, first about Remus… he told me his secret, that he’s a natural Legilimens,” said Lily, furthering their shock.  
  
“He did? He…” James seemed almost stunned.  
  
“Well, yes, he told me that was how he can sense emotions so clearly,” Lily said, still petting Snuffles, waiting as if for confirmation. It sounded like she didn’t quite believe what she was saying.  
  
“That’s… right. That’s right, he’s been that way since a child,” said James, quick to confirm.  
  
“Hmm. I thought he said natural Legilimens usually occurred since birth. It’s funny, I also thought that they could perceive memory, and it sounded like it was strictly emotions that he smelled. Or felt.”  
  
“Yes, well, he doesn’t like to talk about it, but he’s quite an unusual case, you know? He’s always been…” James was acting natural, but not quite smooth enough, not as smooth as he always was around Lily. Sirius could tell he was quite off guard.  
  
“He’s always been quite good at picking up on emotions, if that was what you were going to say. But anyway, what I wanted to talk about was whatever’s gotten on his nerves the past week, and I think it’s about Sirius. Would you happen to know anything about that?” Lily asked sweetly, moving past James’ clumsy response.  
  
“I… no, nope. I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Sirius was dying on the ground under Lily’s hand, half feeling he should just run away and let them have this damned conversation in peace, half dying of curiosity about whatever Remus had said to Lily that had required him to tell her about his ability to know people’s emotions. Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he had to know.  
  
Lily sighed. “Okay, I know you’re probably sworn to secrecy from Sirius or whatever, but I really just have to know if he likes Remus the way Remus likes him. And before you ask, no, Remus hasn’t told me that he likes him exactly, but it’s so clearly obvious; he has all of the same tells he’s always had with boys he’s liked.”  
  
Sirius thought his ears had deceived him for a second.  
  
“Wait, Remus likes boys?”  
  
Okay, maybe not, if James had heard the same thing. Not to mention the first part of that sentence, which Sirius couldn’t wrap his head around at the moment.  
  
“Oh shit, did you not know that? He told me he was bi last year, I figured he had told you all that already, since you’re so close…” Lily looked uncomfortable for the first time in the conversation, upset that she had overshared about a friend.  
  
“Yes, no, no, I mean we didn’t know that, or at least I didn’t, but we won’t judge him, I promise.” Sirius heard the slip, but couldn’t stop it.  
  
“We? You’re not going to go tell Sirius and Peter immediately, are you? I’d feel so bad if something happened because of me…”  
  
“OH! No! I won’t tell them, and I don’t think they’d mind…” Sirius whined. He was so wound up at this point that he felt he could just run in circles forever, but he needed to hear about what she had said at the beginning. He couldn’t let himself think, couldn’t let himself hope.  
  
“So… Sirius. Does he like Remus? I don’t know him as well, so I can’t tell for sure, but I swear I thought I saw…” Lily trailed off, her earlier enthusiasm tamped down by her worry.  
  
“Ye- wait, Remus likes Sirius!?” James jumped up, apparently not able to control himself anymore. Sirius barked at him to shut up, wanting to hear more from Lily.  
  
“That’s what I’ve been telling you, Potter!” Lily was back to smiling, looking hopeful. “Ye-es? Yes? Sirius likes Remus, right? Tell me it’s true!”  
  
Sirius barked at James again, thumping his tail. He hoped that was enough of a go-ahead, what point was there in hiding from Lily if she already knew, and she wanted them to be together? His dog emotions were surprisingly stable, just happy, wagging tail, excitement.  
  
“Yes! Yes, he likes him.”  
  
“Good, I’m so glad; he came to me asking advice about a new emotion of Sirius’ and I could swear it was lust, but Remus didn’t know, just that he wanted to, and I quote, “taste him”, and I needed confirmation before I advised him to go jump Sirius’ bones,” Lily was giggling now, and James joined in with a surprised laugh. “Alright, so let’s meet up and talk about how we’re going to get them together. They’d probably figure it out on their own, but we can speed them up, hmm?” Sirius had never heard her sound so devious. “And that way I can have my regular study partner back, without him sighing every five minutes.”  
  
“Sure! Sure, anytime you want to talk, dear…” James sounded kind of stunned, watching Lily pack up her things. “See you around!”  
  
“See you, Potter!” Lily laughed, giving one more pat on Sirius’ head, and walked off.  
  
James and Sirius watched her until she walked around the edge of the quidditch pitch toward the castle, stunned in the grass. As soon as she was out of sight, Sirius was back as himself and he tackled James into the grass.  
  
“He likes me! He didn’t tell her, but he likes me, he likes me, he…” _what the FUCK._ Sirius stopped, dazed, the full burden of his human emotions on him once again. “James, this is awful,” he said, letting his brother go and flopping back onto the grass. “He didn’t actually say he liked me, just that he liked how I smell when I’m horny,” Sirius heard James choke, but he barreled on. “And I can’t just do something about it now, when he’s probably just horny too, I mean, endorphins, or pheromones, or whatever the fuck they’re called. What if we fuck and then we don’t get together and we can’t be friends again? I can’t do anything about this,” Sirius was lying face down on the ground now, full on pout mode.  
  
“Sirius, really? Do you think he would just dump you as a friend if this doesn’t work out?” James tried to be consoling, but his previous excitement hadn’t quite left his voice.  
  
“… no… but James... Prooonnngss…”  
  
“You heard Lily, she’s on a mission. What do you want me to do? See if I can get Remus to detail to me just how much he likes you? Too bad you can’t be a fly on the wall for that conversation too, huh?”  
  
Sirius lifted his head up to glare. “You know I didn’t mean to overhear that conversation on purpose. I wish I hadn’t,” he moaned, putting his head face down.  
  
“Well, at the very least, you know Remus isn’t bothered by how you smell.”  
  
Yeah, he liked it so much he wanted to _taste him_. Merlin, what wonderful imagery that put in his mind. He would need to go to the room of requirement every fucking day after this.  
  
_Fuck_.


	7. Remus: Smells like Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus talks to James

Lily finished in the library quickly after their conversation was over, but Remus stayed to finish the potions essay. It should have been done a long time ago, but his residual nerves about his conversation and about the conversation he would have to have with James just wouldn’t leave his mind. Not to mention the somewhat overwhelming realization that he was in love with his best friend.  
  
He figured he should have realized sooner. He had been trying not to think about a series of tantalizing dreams in the shape of one Sirius Black, which had started simply with them walking or talking together but upon waking, left him with restless, nervous energy. When he had gotten older, they became more odd – sure, he had seen Sirius shirtless in real life, and with those fantastic shoulders, so perhaps it wasn’t that unusual to see him that way in his dreams? They hugged in real life, so maybe that wasn’t so strange, if not for the fact that more often than not, he was left awake in the middle of the night with an erection. And then this past week, his dream-Sirius had had that smell, too, and Remus had given in and licked his neck, his chest, stuck his tongue in his mouth, and _pulled_ at him with his hands, and _desperately_ pressed them together, chest, legs, _hips_, and dream-Sirius had kissed him back, and he woke up with rather more than morning wood. Remus was glad he had gotten so practiced at non-verbal magic, so his roommates wouldn’t hear him clean his sheets.  
  
It was only after Lily had been gone for around an hour when he realized he should have left sooner. What if Lily talked to James about his “legilimancy” before he got the chance to explain? James was a pretty terrible liar, or at least Remus thought he was, and Lily was much too perceptive for her own good. With a sigh, he packed up his (mostly) finished potions essay and headed back to the common room. If he wasn’t there, he was probably around the grounds with Sirius; he knew Sirius was anxious to go for a walk after classes earlier that day.  
  
He would have wanted to go with them if he didn’t suspect Sirius just wanted an afternoon free from regulating his emotions. Remus hated that. He wanted Sirius to feel however he felt, without worrying about judgement. If Remus was honest with himself, he probably knew that it wasn’t just worrying about judgement; who wants their friends to know every time they’re upset? _Or horny?_ But Remus didn’t care, he wouldn’t treat him any differently, _no matter that a horny Sirius may make him spontaneously combust, who knew what that smelled like?_ He just wanted the whole of him, good or bad or anywhere in between. _And the delicious. Stop. Don’t think about that._ He loved when Sirius was wildly happy, or out of control with laughter. And if he was sad, he wanted to help. He wouldn’t throw up anymore, he’d been living with them all for years. He could deal with it.  
  
_I’ll talk to them all about it tonight. I’ll tell them I don’t want them to feel like they have to hide so much_, Remus was thinking, when he turned around a corner ran smack into James. Without Sirius.  
  
“Remus!” James looked like he had been startled out of thoughts too, as they continued to walk towards the Gryffindor common room together.  
  
“James! I wanted to talk to you, I was just talking to Lily…”  
  
“I was just talking to Lily too. What did you mean to accomplish, telling her you’re a natural Legilimens? I swear she knew you were lying… okay, maybe she knew I was lying…” James ran a hand through his messy black hair, dazed as always when thinking about Lily. Worry (laundry), and grapefruit.  
  
“Fuck. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. James, I had to tell her that I could tell what people were feeling. It’s too much of an invasion of privacy for her not to know, you know? I mean, I was so scared when I told you all… one of the reasons was no one wants to go around with their inner feelings displayed, you know? And I’m not so sure she doesn’t know the truth anyway, I mean, she’s so smart, you know that…” Remus tried to delay the inevitable question of “why” with a complement to Lily. James could talk forever about her many lovely qualities, a fact that was rather lost on Lily when for several years all that came of his mouth around her was “pretty girl!” or some such nonsense.  
  
“She’s brilliant, isn’t she? She’ll make such a great healer; did you see her work last week on that headache potion? Slughorn said he’d never seen anyone combine stress relief elements with such a physiological potion… but wait. This was about you. Is that really it, that you didn’t want to know what she was feeling without her knowing? I’m all for that, Remus, really, I appreciate you telling her, but is that all? And why wouldn’t you have told her last year?”  
  
Remus sighed. He knew he wouldn’t get out of it so easily. By now, they were in front of the Fat Lady, but he didn’t want to go in. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in front of Siri- anyone. In front of anyone. “Where’s Sirius? And maybe we could go somewhere else to talk about this?”  
  
James seemed to get the hint. “Sure, let me grab a letter from my parents and then we can visit the owlery? Sirius and I were just walking around the grounds, but he split off to… get some homework done. In the library.” James was a terrible liar, and this last bit was punctuated with the sharp smell of tobacco. Not to mention, Remus would have seen Sirius if he had been heading in that direction.  
  
So Sirius was in the Room of Requirement, after James had been talking with Lily. Lily wouldn’t have talked to James about this in front of Sirius, right? _Calm down, it’s probably nothing_, Remus tried to convince himself. He also tried to convince himself his heart was going faster than normal because of the chance of Sirius hearing about his ridiculous thoughts, not the fact that he might be wanking not three floors away. Which was, in itself, a ridiculous thought. And not something friends got excit- nervous about. _Yeah, nervous, right._  
  
“So…” James said, as they walked in the general direction of the owlery. “Lily said you came to her for advice…”  
  
Remus breathed in, then out slowly. He knew James meant well, and wanted to help him, he could smell it like fresh sheets, but he could also tell that James felt very uncomfortable with this conversation. Like his great Aunt’s house. Kind of musty. Remus did _not_ want to have this conversation. That was why he had talked to Lily in the first place, right? Not just because she knew he was bi. Okay, maybe that was partially why, now that he admitted it. Admitted that he liked Sirius.  
  
“I needed to ask her about Sirius. She said she could tell there’s been something weird going on this past week…” Remus paused to let James comment on that, but he just waited. Damn. “It’s because I think I made him smell like… something… but I don’t know what it was, and I… really liked it. And now I want to make him smell like it again but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, he’s done so much to help me, you know…” Remus finished lamely. The more times he said this out loud, the more it sounded like he was being a right bastard. He had no right to mess with Sirius like that, and he should just leave him alone.  
  
“… I don’t think you should worry about trying _not_ to make him feel that, does that make sense? He’s an adult, he can deal with it…” James was perfectly composed, but Remus could smell a hint of mischief. Tobacco, just more floral, somehow. But what was he being mischievous about?  
  
“That makes sense, I suppose. I just don’t want to bother him. I talked with Lily, but I also decided to talk to you three about not hiding from me anymore… I know you all use the Room of Requirement to… take care of things. Except for maybe Peter, I’m not sure. And I just wanted you all to know I don’t care, I’ll try to ignore everything.” Remus was blushing at these words. He knew they were perfectly reasonable, but how could his thoughts not drift when he was basically encouraging his friends to wank in their own beds? He could tell James was uncomfortable too. At least he was taking it in stride. He had really grown up from his twelve-year-old self.  
  
“I think that’s a good idea. I’d bet if you let him know that whatever it is doesn’t bother you, he’ll be more comfortable.”  
  
Remus did not want to talk to Sirius about it at all. _Hey, so, you know how you reacted when I stretched? Please smell like that always. Or maybe not, I think I might just stick my tongue down your throat if you do_. Remus was blushing now. Again.  
  
James was, unfortunately, not oblivious. “It would be alright, if you liked him, you know.”  
  
Remus was glad he wasn’t drinking anything at that point, because if he had, he would have done a classic spit take. If he didn’t have it come out his nose.  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
  
James was uncomfortable, again. “Lily also told me that you’re bi. She didn’t mean to out you, I swear, she thought I already knew, but it’s okay, really, I promise, I mean I know several gay people, and they’re all lovely, not that everyone who is queer is all the same, or something- ” James was rambling, seeing Remus’ obvious shock and discomfort.  
  
“Please don’t tell Sirius. Or Peter, I mean, or anyone.” Remus, for what felt like the hundredth time, wanted to just sink into the floor and die. Why was this happening to him? What ancient magical spirits had he annoyed such that he would have this much emotional turbulence within the same week? Or month? Hell, if each hit were years apart, he wouldn’t have minded.  
  
“I promise I won’t tell them. Remus, I promise it’s fine.” James gripped Remus’ shoulders, breathing deeply so that Remus would copy him. _Well, I might as well get it all out at once. Fuck it._  
  
“You were right.”  
  
James paused for a second. “About what?”  
  
“I like Sirius. A lot. Promise you won’t tell him about that either. Fucking Merlin, how did you know? Am I that obvious?”  
  
“No, I promise you weren’t, it was just a guess that I had since Lily mentioned it… Okay, I’ll be honest. It was Lily’s guess. It doesn’t change anything, right?”  
  
“Of course not, James. I’ll just be his friend, like always. Nothing weird. I promise.”  
  
James seemed oddly disappointed at this response.  
  
“Right, just the same as always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, there will be more of Remus and Sirius in the same room! Thanks for reading!


	8. Sirius: Marauder Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a chat

Sirius got back to the Gryffindor common room right as curfew ended. He might have stayed out longer, but he didn’t have the map or the cloak, so why risk it? He could probably stay in the common room all night, if he had to.  
  
He had spent the last few hours as a dog in the Room of Requirement and then (after a somewhat guilty shower) in the kitchens, because he had missed supper. He loved watching the house elves work. Not only were they kind to him (unlike Kreacher), their wandless and non-verbal magic was interesting, and he was always trying to find ways to connect their magic to his own spellworking. Their intuitive magic combined with his in unusual and interesting ways, and he always liked surprising the professors with what he found (not that he would ever admit to craving their praise).  
  
In some ways, it was similar to how he combined magic and muggle technology, although he couldn’t do that in Hogwarts itself. He loved muggle studies, and was always interested in muggle science and engineering, especially. It was his idea to enchant two mirrors to act like a phone system between him and James. He would have used telephones themselves and modified them to send images as well, but for the fact that they wouldn’t have worked inside the castle walls. His current project, of course, was his flying motorbike. After the last summer of work, it was almost perfect.  
  
It was with these thoughts that Sirius returned to the common room. It was all a distraction, of course, but he certainly couldn’t be thinking about his previous conversation with Lily – there was too much hope, and want, there, and he didn’t want Remus to know how mixed up he felt inside. And he certainly didn’t want to feel desire – if Remus didn’t know what that he was smelling, he wanted to keep it that way, and it wasn’t fair of him to trick Remus into doing something rash, even if he had just daydreamed about Remus licking his neck.  
  
But no, he was solidly concentrating on new features of his motorbike, to be added as soon as the school year was over, when he walked through the portrait hole. If he was thinking of Remus at all, it was that he needed to feel as normal as possible, and perhaps think up a good excuse for ignoring him all evening. That didn’t stop the twinge of excitement/nerves he felt when his eyes landed immediately on Remus, who had stood up to greet him.  
  
“Hi Padfoot! I was just about to try to find you, I’m calling a Marauders meeting,” Remus said quietly, looking nervous. Sirius was both relieved and disappointed that Remus didn’t want to talk to him alone. _Stop that, breathe, don’t think about it. This is normal._ Now that he was trying to rationalize it, it was probably about Lily and that he had told her he was a natural Legilimens. Maybe. That didn’t explain why he looked so nervous.  
  
“Sure thing, Moony, let’s go.” Sirius followed Remus up the stairs, carefully not looking at him. He was happy to be in Remus’ company, and what if Remus needed him? Of course, he was happy to be there, but damn he needed to be careful with that arse of his so easily in view.  
  
“There you are, Pads! I was just wondering when you’d come back from the kitchens, what caught your interest now?” James was looking up from a book in his lap, sitting comfortably on his bed with the map open next to him.  
  
Sirius laughed. At least this he was comfortable talking about, even if his friends thought it a tad odd. “I was watching them cast magic together. It was fantastic how good they were at it. Did you see Minnie and Flitwick cast decorating spells together last Halloween? They had to concentrate to be in unison, but there were at least five elves cooking at the same station and they never had any problems. Fantastic. Maybe they have some sort of Legilimency as well, hmm?” Sirius cast a teasing glance at Remus, remembering a split second too slow that Lily hadn’t told _him_ about that, just James. Fuck. That’s what happens when you’re comfortable.  
  
Remus had turned sheet pale. “Did… Lily…?”  
  
“No, she just told me,” James jumped in. “I told Sirius later so that if she mentioned it, he could cover for you.”  
  
“Wait, what was this?” Peter jumped in from where he was sitting on the floor in front of James’ bed.  
  
Remus was turning red now. “I told Lily I have Legilimency, because… I didn’t want to invade her privacy. That’s actually one of the reasons I called this meeting…”  
  
Sirius could tell that this wasn’t something Remus wanted to talk about, so he went to sit on his own bed cross-legged and pulled Remus down to sit next to him. It seemed casual touching helped Remus calm down almost as much as it helped him. If he could keep his mind out of the gutter, that is.  
  
Remus gave him a half smile of thanks with bright golden eyes that made him catch his breath for a half second. Remus took a steadying breath before addressing the room at large. “First, I wanted to tell you all about the Legilimency thing. I think she may suspect the truth, but I’m not sure, so I wanted to make sure you all knew that she knew… and that she thinks you all know, and etcetera.”  
  
“Yeah, I already fucked up on that one,” James was messing up his hair again, nervously. “I told her you had had it since you were a child, when you had told her you had it since you were a baby. I think she already knows, mate. What story do you want to stick to?”  
  
Remus sighed. “Let’s just stick with that I have been since I was a child. If she finds out, I wouldn’t mind too much, it’s like she’s half a Marauder anyway.”  
  
“Half Marauder? How about marauder-in-law?” Peter laughed, looking up at James. They had all been happy when Lily had finally accepted a date, but secretly, Sirius was happily surprised at Pete’s positive reaction. Sirius had been a lot more jealous. Not only was his brother/best friend abandoning him for a whole Hogsmeade weekend, he got to spend it with a _date_. Sirius would have liked a date. Well, not just any date. A Remus-date. Oh well.  
  
“I’ll have to wait at least until the third date to ask her to marry me,” James grinned. “So you all have to help me find ways to sweep her off her feet.”  
  
“After this meeting, Prongs, Merlin, you’re thirsty. Didn’t you have more to say, Moony?” Sirius asked, giving Remus a quick sideways glance. He was smiling but looking down at his hands.  
  
“… well, yes. I also wanted to say… about that. About me being able to smell emotions, I mean.” Sirius’ heart sped up. He wouldn’t possibly mention last week in front of James and Peter, would he? He took a deep breath and pushed it out of his mind. This was about Remus. Mom-overdrive, activate. Stop.  
  
Remus gave him a sideways look. “That’s what I wanted to talk about. I’m not eleven anymore, I won’t throw up at every negative emotion. Padfoot, Prongs, I know you use the Room of Requirement sometimes so that I don’t overstep… and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, ever. I just wanted to say that I’m not going to freak out, or anything, if you want to be upset or…” Remus was blushing. “Or take care of yourselves in your own room. I’ll ignore everything, I just wanted to say I don’t have to be treated like a china doll. I’m fine.”  
  
Sirius was carefully looking at James’ and Peter’s reactions. James seemed close to laughter, and Peter looked slightly confused. “I use the Room of Requirement too, you know…”  
  
Now all of them looked confused. “You do?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. He knew James mainly just used it to wank, and he himself used it for that as well as for a variety of things he didn’t want Remus to be overwhelmed with, but Peter hadn’t seemed interested in wanking when he had told him about it years ago, and he hadn’t noticed him sneaking off any other time either.  
  
“Yeah, I mean, last year, when I got the news that my grandfather had died, it was just super cozy. I could make my own pillow forts in front of the fireplace there. I mean, I guess I haven’t used it very often, if that’s what you’re asking?”  
  
“I think he was asking if you wank in the Room of Requirement,” James said with a grin, completely unashamed.  
  
“I was not!” Sirius threw his pillow at him, while it was Peter’s turn to become pale.  
  
“Do you guys really… I mean, do you actually…” Peter was quite out of his element, it seemed.  
  
“Wank in the Room of Requirement? All the time,” said James, poking fun. “And now I might right here, on this very bed, and you’ll never know.”  
  
“Remus will know!”  
  
“Remus won’t care, will you Moons?”  
  
“I won’t care. That’s literally what I just said,” sighed Remus, his face barely peeking out of his hands.  
  
“What about you, Wormy? Any reason you don’t?” James deflected from Remus. Sirius was thankful, he didn’t want to be more involved in this conversation than absolutely necessary, but he didn’t want Remus to be more uncomfortable than necessary either.  
  
“I’ve just never been interested…” Peter looked quite uncomfortable too.  
  
“In wanking, or in sex in general?” asked James. “I’ve heard the Muggles have a word for that: asexual.”  
  
Sirius almost laughed. Of course James Potter would bring this up. It had been a couple of summers ago that they had found a queer muggle magazine with all sorts of identities and words listed, and James had spent a lot of time looking at the ace spectrum page. When Sirius had asked why, because he didn’t think James was ace when he had spent the previous day talking for at least an hour straight about Lily in great detail, which Sirius didn’t care for a bit since he was gay and couldn’t really see the appeal, he had sniffed and said “research for a friend”.  
  
Peter looked thoughtful. “I don’t know, maybe. Is it really that unusual, though? Moony, what about you, do you use the Room of Requirement? For that?”  
  
Sirius wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer to that question, not with Remus sitting less than a foot away from him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it in detail, but a confirmation would be a whole other issue. And being cross legged wasn’t the most discrete, even with robes on.  
  
“It’s not unusual, Peter, and being ace is definitely not a bad thing, if that’s what you decide you are.” Remus had curled up into a ball, knees to his chest, somewhat copying Peter’s position leaning against James’ bed. Sirius copied them. Much better. James was about to speak, but Remus held up his hand; “before you ask, Potter, if you really must know, I use my own bed and a silencing charm, thanks.” Peter squeaked.  
  
Sirius was glad he had changed positions. Remus had wanked _right there_, and furthermore, had used a silencing charm. On one hand, that was probably a subtle reminder to him and James to keep it quiet. Not that Remus would ever not notice, but that they could at least keep from being too obvious to everyone else. But on the other hand, the thought of Remus making noise, any noise, while getting off was just too hot. What if he moaned? What would that sound like? Even the thought of him sighing after he stretched, like that day in Transfiguration, was a lot.  
  
Sirius needed to get his mind back under control, but he was starting not to care. Remus had just said that he didn’t need to be babied, and he didn’t want to be insulting. He said he would ignore everything, did that include Sirius’ uncomfortable feelings toward him? And why did he have to hide so much anyway? Lily had said that Remus liked him… even if she did just say he wanted to lick him when he was horny. Like right now. _Merlin, that thought did not help whatsoever_. Sirius looked at Remus again, who was determinedly looking at James and Peter.  
  
She had also said that he didn’t know what this was, and that he hadn’t said that he liked him explicitly. Well, Sirius wasn’t going to start anything, that was for sure. If Remus didn’t like him as more than a friend, then he wouldn’t do anything rash like jump him. Remus didn’t seem like the type of person to go into a relationship purely to make out with someone. _As nice as it would be for him to lick my neck_. Maybe he should just trust him to make a move if he wanted to. If he just let himself feel whatever he wanted, then it would be in his hands. And if he didn’t want to do anything, then he could safely ignore him, and Sirius would get over it. Eventually. He had to trust him that much. He had asked for it, by calling this meeting.  
  
It was still terrifying as hell.  
  
Sirius had missed what James had been saying, but it seemed to be still on the topic of wanking. “… and _now_, after _six years_ of sneaking off to wank, instead of doing it in the peace of my own bed, you finally tell us it’s okay to just stay in here?”  
  
“Hey, I never kicked you out in the first place! That was all your own doing, mate!” Remus was laughing at James’ overreaction, still not looking Sirius in the eye.  
  
“Well, not to be _weird_ about it or anything, but now’s the time when I’ve got to go to sleep. Is that all you wanted to say for the Marauders meeting, Remus? We should have another one tomorrow after quidditch practice, I have a new idea for a prank…”  
  
“Yes, that’s fine… just, thanks, you all.” Sirius was so happy to hear Remus feeling better, that he was looking at him as he got up and stretched, apparently about to head for his own bed. _If I could watch him, wouldn’t it be nice?_ Sirius kept looking at Remus, not wanting him to go. If he was going to stop trying to hide his emotions, he could start right now. _I love you_.  
  
Remus’ head snapped around, looking at Sirius straight in the eyes. This was an unusual viewpoint, with Remus standing and Sirius sitting on his bed; usually Sirius was the taller of the two. Remus’ golden eyes were wide with surprise, but then he quickly turned away, pausing to squeeze Sirius’ knee; “goodnight, Pads.”  
  
Well, what was he expecting, Remus to get right back into bed with him? This was going to be fine, whatever Remus chose, he would have to be okay with it. At least he hadn’t looked disgusted. Why would he know what to do, if this was the first time he knew about it anyway? And he looked so beautiful, his hair looked so soft, and his eyes were so bright. And his hand was so warm.  
  
Sirius got ready for bed quickly, wanting to pull his curtains shut as soon as possible.


	9. Remus: Vanilla and Almond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' late night wondering

_What the hell?_  
  
What the hell was that? What did he even get himself into? Why did he have to be stuck in his bed, trying to stay calm and not have his heart beat out of his chest, when Sirius had just given him a look like _that_ when smelling like vanilla, like cookies and maybe like almond, like he had smelled when they had all drank firewhisky and stayed up until 3am and Sirius had gotten emotional and told them that he loved them all, except now it was directed at him and it was mixed with that apple smell and he couldn’t understand what was going on.  
  
He knew that this was going to be an emotional evening from the start, because those ancient magical spirits were apparently still mad at him or whatever. At this point, he was just trying to get it all over with, or as much as he could stand. He knew that his friends might be uncomfortable, especially Sirius, seeing as he had practically been hiding from them all evening. James had tried to deflect from the fact that Sirius had been off the map in the Room of Requirement by pointing out when he arrived at the kitchens, but it didn’t help, Remus knew it already.  
  
When Sirius had mentioned Legilimency, his stomach had dropped through the floor, probably ending up in the dungeons. James had smelled like tobacco when he said he’d told Sirius about the Legilimency thing later, but perhaps it was because they were technically tricking Lily about it in the first place, and the more James loved someone, the worse he felt about lying to them. (Example: Remus, Sirius, and James started off equally proficient at lying to McGonagall, but at this point James liked her too much and she knew Sirius too well, so the responsibility fell to Remus, who was normally better than this about pulling excuses out of his ass, not to mention he could tell when she did or didn’t believe him.)  
  
Remus was relieved when Sirius pulled him down to sit on his bed, as nervous as that thought made him. He was usually the one to start contact with Sirius himself, and this imbalance would have made him very uncomfortable if not for the fact that he knew Sirius appreciated it and liked his touches. Right then, Sirius’ scent of clean laundry and care were almost as much of a comfort as the gesture itself. He loved the idea that Sirius cared more than he could say.  
  
And then, during the middle of the conversation, when James had asked him about wanking, Remus though that he smelled an undercurrent of sharp, delicious apple among all of the other emotions coming from Sirius. When he replied, it was overpowering. It took all of Remus’ concentration to act like nothing was happening, like he didn’t want to explode, like he didn’t want to run his hands through Sirius’ hair which was curling around his shoulders and hanging down in front of his face. Like he didn’t want to grab him and touch his whole body, like had happened in the dream he _really should not be thinking about in his friend’s fucking bed._ And then it was a mix of emotions, like last time, but without as much anxiety… that was good, wasn’t it? That was the point of this whole thing, to make sure that his friends didn’t stress about hiding their emotions from him? This was good. He just had to not react, like he said he wouldn’t. Everything was fine. Keep the conversation going. Listen to James. Respond like normal.  
  
And then, when Remus was about to go to bed, Sirius had given him a look that was so full of love that Remus didn’t think it could be anything else, not with the scent of vanilla and almond that made him think of Christmas, and the smell of crisp apples in an undercurrent that almost made his head spin. Not to mention his eyes were grey and so bright they almost looked silver, and his black hair with a curl in front of his face did something to his stomach that should be _illegal._ He had already raised his hand to tuck the strand behind his ear when he realized that was _not a thing regular friends do, abort, abort,_ and placed the hand on Sirius’ knee instead, hoping to give him a steadying goodnight pat, and realized that Sirius was shaking. Or maybe it was his own hand that had been shaking, he didn’t really know.  
  
This whole thing had been so exhausting, and now here Remus was, in his own bed, with the curtains drawn, trying to parse through what was going on. One thing he was more sure about now was that whatever it was that made Sirius smell so delicious, it had something to do with Remus. And perhaps it had something to do with Remus’ body; the first couple of times, he thought it was because he stretched, and this time, it had been strongest when talking about Remus masturbating. Perhaps he was repulsed? The type of scent and that emotion didn’t match, but Remus was trying not to think too much about the other possibility, the one that seemed more likely; that he was attracted to him.  
  
Hell, Remus didn’t even know if Sirius was attracted to boys, let alone his own scrawny ass. He knew he didn’t look as good as Sirius did, with his solid build and sharp features. He couldn’t gain weight, as much food as he ate, and although he was strong for his size, he was definitely the smallest of the group. Not to mention, Sirius saw him turn into a monster once a month and he had seen the scars that ran all over his body. Remus tried not to think about himself too much, it wasn’t helpful. He would rather ignore his own body’s existence. Except for that Sirius seemed to react to it.  
  
And what was that look for? Was Sirius trying to tell him that he loved him, as it had seemed? Remus wanted so much for that to be true. He wanted Sirius in every way; not just to snog and get off with (although that sounded _so good_), but to hold whenever Sirius felt bad and to be held in return. To laugh with and to kiss, just because he felt like it. To be taken care of, to encourage Sirius to let go and be himself, to listen for hours on whatever wild and innovative project Sirius was working on next. These thoughts weren’t new, he should have realized this crush so much longer ago. He felt like an idiot.  
  
James and Peter were already asleep, Remus could tell from their muted smells if not from their even breathing. And Sirius… Sirius had been a whirlwind of emotion that evening as well, that Remus wryly thought matched what he felt himself pretty closely. How close he felt to him, even through two curtains and about four feet. And then Sirius’ scent changed, and the crisp apple scent was back.  
  
Remus’ breath caught in his throat. Why was it back just then? What could Sirius possibly be thinking? Remus tried to listen, to see if he could pick up any other clues about how Sirius felt, but he couldn’t hear him. _Wait._ He couldn’t hear him _at all_, even though he was clearly still there, five feet away. A silencing charm. So Sirius didn’t want Remus to hear him, but was still letting him smell him? That was good, at least. That was what Remus had asked for, although he hadn’t quite expected the change to come so soon.  
  
The smell was getting stronger and stronger, and Remus felt like he was being driven out of his mind. He quickly cast a non-verbal silencing charm on his own bed, rationalizing that he might be breathing more quickly and that he _said_ he wouldn’t react to this, he said he would leave them alone. It had nothing to do with how that was making him feel, how much he would like to have his tongue all over Sirius, how much he’d like to kiss and lick all over him. The thought made Remus _hard_, and he wondered how wrong it would be for him to have one off.  
  
The thought struck Remus, what if Sirius was wanking _right now_? That would make sense, that would explain the charm and the scent that was growing stronger, still, with vanilla and almond. That seemed clear enough. There was no real way to deny it, Remus thought, and he found his hands moving toward his waistband. Even he couldn’t think of a more logical explanation.  
  
Then with what had been happening, was it possible that Sirius was thinking about some of the same things that Remus was? That Sirius would like it if he kissed him, licked his neck, found his hands in his hair? Remus knew that he didn’t always make noise himself, and yet Sirius had cast a silencing charm. His imagination was full of Sirius, his eyes, his neck, his stomach, how he might moan if Remus licked down his chest, what sort of delicious sounds he might make. He thought of how he might want to touch Remus back, and he couldn’t help himself. He was touching himself and imagining it was Sirius, imagining it was his fingers, his palm. His mind conjured up the image of Sirius in front of him, on his knees, breathing on his cock before taking it into his mouth, and Remus moaned from the thought. He breathed in deeply the scent of his friend, of the boy he loved, the smell sharpening to an almost painful degree before Remus spilled into his hand and shuddered helplessly against the bed.  
  
When Remus could spare more than a passing thought to what was going around him again, he recognized the scent of cum that wasn’t his own. His body gave another halfhearted twitch, turned on beyond belief that he was right, that it wasn’t just in his own head. Sirius had come, moments before, not five feet from him. If he hadn’t just come himself, he would have needed to wank immediately.  
  
It took a long time for Remus’ thoughts to settle enough to sleep. He finally decided that he couldn’t be sure Sirius was really attracted to him. It certainly seemed that way, but perhaps it was a coincidence. That didn’t mean Remus wasn’t going to do anything about it.  
  
It seemed after that conversation, Sirius was more comfortable about exposing his emotions, so hopefully if he made him uncomfortable, he would be able to tell right away, but Remus was going to keep trying to smell that crisp apple scent again. Stupid, _stupid_, what an idiotic idea, to try to seduce his friend. _(How would one do that, anyway?)_ But he couldn’t just do nothing, when there was the slightest chance that it could turn out alright. He knew Sirius loved him as a friend, at least, if his look that night had meant what he thought it did.  
  
If this stupid plan turned out like he thought it would, if this was just a fluke, then he could push aside his feelings and stay friends. He loved Sirius so much, he could do that for him.  
  
Hopefully.


	10. Sirius: Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets a letter

It took way longer than usual for Sirius to fall asleep that night.  
  
Before the Marauders meeting, he thought it wouldn’t take long at all because he would just meditate, box up all of his feelings, and drift off, but after Remus had talked to them all he knew he didn’t need to. It was still a strange feeling – he didn’t need to shut himself away, but he could. He didn’t have to, but it might be easier. Did he want to, or not? Did he want Remus to know, or not? He could just let Remus know, but he didn’t have to. He could feel however he wanted, but how did he want to feel? It was somewhat confusing.  
  
And then there was the idea of Remus wanking in the next bed. It had happened before without him knowing, with Remus using a silencing charm, and the thought wouldn’t get out of his head. It was a thought that came back over and over again, and that combined with the thought that Remus had said he could do whatever he wanted, that he didn’t want to be treated like a china doll, that he finally decided to do something about his lust and his lack of sleep. What were the chances that Remus was still awake too, anyway?  
  
He cast a nonverbal silencing charm and let his mind wander, pushing the worry away almost in exhaustion. Let himself slip a hand down under his clothing. Let himself breathe.  
  
Lily had said he liked how he smelled. So maybe he couldn’t do anything about it, he could still imagine Remus’ want – and how his voice might sound if he got what he wanted. His mind supplied him with little snippets of Remus’ voice that he hadn’t wanted to react to at the time, but sure as hell thought about later, the last of which, embarrassingly, had been of Remus moaning through a mouthful of dark chocolate. Then he had the thought of Remus, moaning into his skin, _ licking and sucking on his neck and my hands all over him and him on top of me and – and –_  
  
That turned out to be the first night of many ending the same way.  
  
The following days were a blessing and a curse for Sirius. Remus was true to his word in that he ignored what the others were feeling, but that didn’t always carry over to everything staying how it was before. In some ways, this new openness seemed to make Remus more affectionate than ever. He seemed much more willing to give Sirius hugs and play with his hair when Sirius was less concerned about hiding his enjoyment of it. Not hiding was odd in and of itself – it was strange, to almost have force himself not to hide, instead of constantly checking his emotions. Not that he always succeeded; he still tried to hide his attraction most of the time, not wanting to make Remus uncomfortable. It was a strange kind of balancing act, one that Sirius was still getting used to.  
  
But it was _so_ worth it to have Remus touch him more.  
  
Remus seemed to like their increased interaction too. He caught him smiling at him more often, his slightly-sharper-than-normal canine teeth peeking adorably out from behind his lips. Remus hated his teeth, like he hated his scars and his strength and his high-metabolism body, but like everything about him, Sirius thought they were incredibly adorable. And sexy. And he didn’t care about hiding it.  
  
But he still didn’t know if Remus liked him, or just liked how he smelled. Lily seemed to think that Remus liked him back, enough to be trying to push them together. For now, it was just little things, like kicking him off the couch to sit in front of Remus on the floor, which had just happened to end up with his head in his lap and Remus stroking his hair. Sirius had loved it but hoped Lily’s nudges stayed small; he knew that just the previous day Lily had schemed to get Marlene and Dorcas locked into an empty classroom together for several hours, and they had come out holding hands, blushing adorably at the small crowd gathered to cheer them on. Not that he would particularly mind being stuck in a room with Remus, but what if he _didn’t_ like him back?  
  
And then, beyond the increased touching, there were times when Sirius thought Remus knew he turned him on and did it intentionally. Like the other day, when Remus had come out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, his hair still dripping wet, saying “Oops, I forgot my robes.” Sirius almost choked, and hastily looked away, but not before he saw Remus look right at him and grin.  
  
And then there was the time when they were at Hogsmeade, James and Lily on their date, and Remus and Sirius and Peter had just stepped out of Honeydukes and were enjoying the last of the autumn leaves. Remus was enjoying a rainbow-colored lollipop, which was a bit odd – usually, he would get something chocolate flavored.  
  
Sirius suspected that Remus liked certain foods – chocolate, chicken soup, bacon - because they didn’t have emotions associated with them. It had been a long time since he had asked about what his lycanthropy was like; while Remus had been uncomfortable, he had thought it fascinating that Remus had a whole other sense of the world hidden to him. Remus likened it to having double vision; usually, it was easy to identify what scents were coming from where, but he didn’t necessarily always want to be reminded of his uncanny emotion sensing when he was trying to enjoy food.  
  
“What flavor is that, Remus? I didn’t see you pick it up inside,” asked Peter, walking ahead of the other two on the street as they headed to the Three Broomsticks.  
  
“It’s a different fruit every time I lick. I thought it looked interesting. What are you thinking, Sirius?” Remus looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye, prompting him to ask his question. Maybe it was his surprise at being asked about his curiosity so directly, or maybe it was the way the light filtered through Remus’ curls, but the question came tumbling out of his mouth.  
  
“What are fruity smells like to you?” Sirius was glad he accepted the question. For a second he worried that it would make him upset, but instead, the question seemed to amuse him.  
  
Remus considered for a second, stopping to look around them at the empty street before answering. “It depends on the person, and the fruit. Sometimes it’s amusement or excitement, sometimes it’s something like restlessness… I think sometimes it’s lust.” He said this last bit softly, looking Sirius straight in the eyes, and then, when he couldn’t bring himself to look away, he placed the candy on his tongue and sucked it into his mouth while looking at him with his bright golden eyes.  
  
Sirius could have sworn that all of the air in the world had been vanished at that moment. He couldn’t breath properly for a good long while into their butterbeers, thankful as hell that robes were concealing, and that Peter was oblivious, happy talking with Remus (who also seemed somewhat distracted) and absently playing with a muggle deck of cards. Sirius knew he couldn’t be more obvious to Remus if he tried, but he couldn’t help it. And he didn’t care; Remus _had_ to know what image his lips had made. He _had_ to.  
  
Those lips were a heavy feature in the daydreams Sirius had that night, silencing charm around his bed as strong as ever.  
  
The next morning, Sirius’ head was so full of Remus – of the events of the past weeks, of not hiding anymore, and of this strange new hope that he had, that Remus could like him, could want him – that he almost didn’t realize the barn owl standing at attention in front of him was offering an official looking letter, looking increasingly irritated at being left in the lurch. It wasn’t an owl he recognized; he would definitely have noticed the Black family owl as an official Disruptor of His Peace.  
  
He hastily took the letter and held out a bit of toast to the owl as an offering, which was accepted with a flash of brown and white wings.  
  
_Dear Sirius Black,  
  
I regret to inform you of the death of your uncle, Alphard Black, who passed away early this morning at St. Mungo’s due to a bad case of dragonpox.  
  
This is an official notice of your inheritance, as you are listed as the primary beneficiary in Mr. Black’s will. There has been some contention regarding the contents of the will from other members of the Black family, however, the last will of Mr. Black is a magically binding document and cannot be undone. Your property in London will be appropriately secured by an official at the ministry for the remainder of your time at Hogwarts, and all other items will be in your personal vault at Gringotts.  
  
I hope this arrangement is acceptable. My deepest sympathies for your loss.  
  
Cordially,  
  
Angelica Foxtail  
  
Department of Magical Law Enforcement_  
  
Also attached was what seemed to be a list of items that were now apparently Sirius’. He couldn’t make his eyes focus after the second item on the list.  
  
He had his own apartment now, in London – where he had been thinking of living after Hogwarts with James and Peter and Remus. They could now live there together.  
  
He had his own money now, and he wouldn’t have to rely on the Potter’s infinite kindness. He loved his adoptive parents, and they would never allow him to, but he could pay them back if he wanted. He could almost hear Euphemia in his head, scolding him for even thinking of the idea.  
  
And he had one less uncle. One less Black that he could actually stand.  
  
His memories of his uncle weren’t many – the man never did get along with the rest of the family, and that was something they connected on instantly, standing on the balcony in the cold talking for hours rather than going back inside and listening to the rest of them for one more second. He didn’t mean to, but he had pushed all contact with the Black family away when he left to live with the Potters, and that had accidentally included Alphard. Apparently, Alphard hadn’t forgotten him.  
  
Sirius had previously been riding such a high that this news caught him off guard, and his first thought told him to stop, not think, run away, hide, don’t upset Remus. Remus, who was now sitting with the rest of them, talking quietly while waiting for Sirius to spill whatever it was that he had just read. Remus, who had told Sirius not to hide anymore.  
  
Sirius knew he could feel whatever he wanted to, but he didn’t know what he wanted, other than to escape. Everything going on in the great hall was suddenly too much, he wanted to run, to be a dog and not feel things, to stop everything for a second.  
  
“I’m going back to the dorm,” he said, standing up quickly.  
  
“What happened? Are you alright?” asked James, standing up too, looking at him with concern.  
  
“I’m fine. My uncle Alphard died. This letter was telling me he left me most of his things.” Sirius knew James would understand, he had told him about his family enough before in the past.  
  
Sirius thought for a second about going to the Room of Requirement, but if he could listen to himself for a second, he knew that what he wanted was to hide in his own bed at the moment, and that was where he found himself as soon as he could, curtains drawn, covers over his head.  
  
For being so attuned to his emotions for Remus, this was quite a tangle. He was so angry at the world, for giving him one good relation and then taking him away again.  
  
And then, was it wrong to feel relieved about his inheritance? He had given up a lot leaving the Blacks, and quite gladly, but he couldn’t deny he had been worried about leaving Hogwarts behind and not knowing where he was going to live or what he was going to do. He had the Potters, of course, and his inventions and ideas, but they were only just ideas. And he wanted so badly to keep his friends close, Peter and James and Remus, and now it seemed like their plan would work, he could keep them.  
  
And then, of course, it was an overwhelming crush of realization that he would never talk to him again, this kind old man who had known him for a few of hours over a few holidays and had given him everything. It was not fair. It was _not fair._  
  
And then, there was the mention of _"some contention regarding the contents of the will from other members of the Black family"_, which no doubt meant they were raising hell about the perceived injustice of Black family possessions going to someone who was burned off of the tapestry. He wouldn’t be surprised if he found Alphard had now been burned off too, if he ever stepped a foot in that dreadful house again. Not that that mattered, Alphard never wanted any part of it anyway, but the thought of his mother’s anger made him want to disappear, and he could feel his heartbeat pounding louder and faster than it should have.  
  
Sirius was just reminding himself how to breath when he heard someone come into the dorm, and then soft steps to his bed.  
  
“I’m glad I found you here. Can I lie next to you?” Remus’ voice drifted softly through the curtains.  
  
“You can if you want.” Sirius knew he must smell awful. He knew Remus hated the scents of fear and anger and sadness, but he didn’t have to be here, he was choosing to, right? And Remus had mentioned they got easier to deal with the more he got used to them; the first time when he threw up, he wasn’t used to living with more than two people.  
  
Sirius felt Remus move the curtains aside and pull the covers back. He crawled into the sheets beside him, replacing the curtains and pulling the blankets around them in their own personal cocoon. Sirius had expected him to lay on top of the blankets, or to stay as far away from him as possible, but instead he put an arm around him and laid his head on his shoulder. Sirius felt himself relax at the touch and breathed slowly. He still felt awful, and worried about what scents he was giving off, but having him here was better than a dream.  
  
“Thank you,” murmured Remus.  
  
“For what?” Sirius was lying as still as possible, hoping he wouldn’t pull away.  
  
“For being here, instead of the Room of Requirement. For letting me hug you, and for you feeling whatever you want to feel. Is this alright?”  
  
“Yes.” _This is much more than alright. _“Thanks, for being here. This helps.”  
  
“Good. I always want to take care of you.”  
  
Sirius’ hand found Remus’ under the covers and he laced their fingers together without thinking about it. “I’ve inherited his London apartment. The Marauders could all live there after this year is over, like we talked about… would you like that?” Sirius hoped he could distract Remus from their hands. He hadn’t meant to hold his hand like that, but it felt so _right._  
  
“I would _love_ that.” Remus sounded so pleased that Sirius couldn’t doubt him. It was a bloom of joy in their cocoon, and it was a promise that everything would be okay.  
  
Later, Sirius realized that what he felt tucked under Remus’ arm was _loved_. He knew that Remus wouldn’t have done the same for James, or Peter, although he would have cared for them if they needed it. Remus might like him. Remus might love him. Lily might be right, and he also liked how Sirius smelled when he wanted him.  
  
And with that thought, the image of him sucking on his lollipop drifted through his mind unbidden. Remus had done that intentionally; he was almost sure of it. And he knew Remus well enough to know he wouldn’t have done that just for fun, or on a whim. Did that mean he was actually suggesting doing what he was implying?  
  
Sirius had to know; he couldn’t stay in this limbo anymore. He wanted to resolve something between them. He wanted to hold Remus’ hand every day, and to get hugs whenever he wanted. He wanted to sleep in the same bed as Remus when they moved in together after Hogwarts. He wanted to suck Remus’ dick. He wanted to get pounded into his mattress.  
  
He wanted to do something besides hope.  
  
He was going to _do something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to keep updating regularly but the end of the semester wiped me OUT. Hopefully I'll start writing more often again. Thank you everyone so much for reading!!!


	11. Remus: The Best Candy in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finally talks to Lily again, among other things

Remus didn’t get the chance to talk to Lily by herself for a long time. Either Lily sat with the Marauders in the common room, or James came along to the study sessions in the library, leaving Remus no time to ask her about her plans.  
  
That was alright by him. After his conversation with the marauders, things were changing already; Sirius was much more open, and Remus could tell he was happy about his touches, more than he had let himself be happy about them before. Not to mention, Remus thought he could sometimes smell that Sirius loved him. Lily simply pushed them together from time to time, which wasn’t quite what Remus had expected, but that was fine. Being able to run his fingers through his hair or give him hugs was wonderful.  
  
For a while, he wasn’t sure if Sirius liked him as anything more than just a friend (though that didn’t stop him from waiting up every night somewhat guiltily to see if he would masturbate so he could join him). He could tell he liked the hugs, but that might just be because he was so touch starved – he loved praise and affection more than the other Marauders did. His need for attention might have been one of the reasons he planned so many reckless pranks when they were younger.  
  
But eventually – soon – smelling that delicious crisp apple smell occasionally at night wasn’t enough. Remus wanted more – wanted to be in a relationship with Sirius, wanted to see if he was wanted in return. Not to mention he wanted to taste that smell off of Sirius’ neck, lick into his mouth, _be_ with him… he wanted so much, and if Sirius didn’t want the same thing, that was fine, but what if his suspicions were right? Then all of this waiting around would be stupid.  
  
It started with him forgetting his clothes after a shower. Sirius seemed to react to his body, so would he like it if Remus was shirtless? He had seen it before, after full moons, but this would be different; it would be on purpose, and he wouldn’t be disgusting and bleeding. Remus had to work up every ounce of Gryffindor courage to walk out into the dorm in just a towel – all he could see when he looked in the mirror was the scars all over his torso – but the reaction from Sirius was immediate and strong, that delicious smell almost overwhelming, and Remus couldn’t hide a grin. He was grateful for his carefully placed towel. Damn.  
  
After that, Remus just wanted more of a reaction. He could tell how much he was affecting Sirius, but he wasn’t sure if he should make the first move. He had said pretty explicitly that he wouldn’t react to anything that Sirius felt, and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable about his attraction in any way, but _damn_ did he want to smell that again.  
  
In hindsight, he should have chosen a more remote location for his next attempt rather than the main street of Hogsmeade.  
  
He had the idea while sitting in the Great Hall with the other Marauders. Sirius was listening to James and Lily talk about muggle fairy tales. He had been eating some ice cream, but it was all gone now; he just had the spoon absently in his mouth. Remus couldn’t take his eyes off of his lips the whole time he was eating it. He couldn’t help but think about what those lips could do to him, how they would feel on his fingers, on his cock. He was sure Sirius hadn’t known what he was doing, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try something similar.  
  
When he found the fruit lollipop in Honeydukes, he had to laugh. It was perfect; it tasted like lust, it was a rainbow, and it was phallic. Nice. He was also lucky that the unusual candy caught Sirius’ attention; he wasn’t sure how he would have gotten him to look in his direction otherwise.  
  
Unfortunately, it worked a little too well. Remus was glad that the street was empty, and then glad that the tables at the Three Broomsticks were solid and comfortable, because the desire to touch and taste Sirius was making him weak in the knees. He barely managed to keep up conversation with Peter, playing a game that didn’t require much thought, because Sirius wasn’t helping at all. Not that he wanted this smell to stop, _ever_, but _damn I probably shouldn’t do that again until I can actually jump his bones_. Just knowing that the feeling was lust, and that it was directed at him, was almost too much to handle. He made sure to stay at that table as long as possible.  
  
That night, he hoped hard that they were thinking of the same things, shut behind their curtains, silencing spells up. The undercurrent of apple hadn’t stopped all day, although it had been diminished since they had been at the Three Broomsticks, but now it was back stronger than ever, and Remus’ mouth was almost watering, thinking of tasting him, tracing his cock with his tongue. It took more than a little willpower to stop himself from crossing that short barrier between their beds, but when he was drifting off to sleep, he was glad he didn’t; he wanted Sirius to choose to do something other than look. He wanted this to be settled between the two of them, not just him.  
  
The next morning, the downturn in Sirius’ mood was sharp.  
  
Remus had been planning on trying something else today, in their dorm with just the two of them; that way, Sirius might try something on his own, or at least Remus could deal with the resulting erection right away. Maybe he would read on his bed with just his smallest pair of shorts on? Being naked might work better, but at least something would prevent potential embarrassment if Peter or James walked in. And he didn’t want to make Sirius uncomfortable if he didn’t want him.  
  
His plan changed as soon as Sirius read the letter. He smelled sour and cold, like the sharp bite of winter air that stings the nose. He smelled overwhelmed. Remus knew he would leave the Great Hall; there were too many people there for Sirius to be feeling this, whether he minded Remus being able to tell what he was feeling or not.  
  
After James explained who Alphard was, Remus went back to the dormitory. There was a large chance that Sirius had just gone to the Room of Requirement. He could check on the map; if he had gone somewhere else and there was a chance Remus could comfort him, he wanted to do that. He wanted to care for him.  
  
Remus could tell Sirius had gone past as soon as he was in the common room. The smell pricked at his nose and throat, and it was definitely unpleasant, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and Remus wanted to hold him, wanted to help if he could.  
  
“I’m glad I found you here. Can I lie next to you?” Remus didn’t know if that would be a good idea, didn’t even know if Sirius would say yes, but he didn’t want to just sit next to him on the floor and pretend that they were just friends. He wanted to love him, as much as he could.  
  
“You can if you want.” As soon as Remus lay next to Sirius, he could tell he helped, and that was enough for him. He didn’t mean to be so close, exactly, but it felt right.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“For being here, instead of the Room of Requirement. For letting me hug you, and for you feeling whatever you want to feel.” _For letting me love you._ “Is this alright?”  
  
“Yes. Thanks, for being here. This helps.”  
  
“Good. I always want to take care of you.” Remus spoke without thinking, and almost cringed at his own words, but then Sirius took his hand, and all thoughts of pretending he didn’t feel so strongly flew out of his head.  
  
“I’ve inherited his London apartment. The Marauders could all live there after this year is over, like we talked about… would you like that?”  
  
“I would _love_ that.” Remus’ response was instant; he had thought that living together was a children’s dream, of the four of them sticking together like the end of one of Lily’s fairy tales. He knew it was silly, but he still couldn’t shake the thought – who would want to live with an almost certainly underemployed werewolf? Remus was almost so overwhelmed by the question that he didn’t notice Sirius’ mood shift – Remus moving in with him honestly made him happy. He was still upset, and Remus didn’t blame him, it was a horrible thing that had happened, and his family always made him upset, but he was happy to live with Remus. He wanted that, for real.  
  
Remus knew he would have to talk to him about whatever this was soon, or if he was rejected, the heartbreak might be too much.  
  
It was only after that that he finally caught up with Lily. For once, she was studying in the library while James had quidditch practice, and Remus got her to himself.  
  
“Hey Remus! I’ve been hoping to talk to you for some time now, how are you?”  
  
“I’ve been trying to talk to you too, I’m fine. James talked to me a little bit about your conversation with him… how did it go?”  
  
“It went well… you know he’s really bad at lying, right?” Remus thought he knew where this was heading, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go there anyway.  
  
“I know. What was he lying about this time?”  
  
“Oh, you know, we talked about you being a natural Legilimens since you were a child. The child part wasn’t the lie, but we don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to. I love you, Remus, and I would never stop being you friend…”  
  
Remus was relieved she wasn’t beating around the bush. He didn’t like having this conversation, but he knew that Lily was being truthful; she cared about him. Remus cast a quite spell on the surrounding tables to make sure they weren’t overheard or noticed.  
  
“I think you know already that I’m a werewolf. When did you find out?”  
  
“I noticed when you were always tired around the full moons, and then later that all of you are. I didn’t realize that you could actually smell emotions, though, because so much other stuff in that vile book is incorrect, I mean who could possibly say that you’re viscous? I figured it was regular wizarding prejudice, so I tried to find multiple sources, but I could only find the scent thing in that one book… I can’t say that I mind, though, Remus, I trust you. Anyway, what do they do to help you? They must do something, last month Peter fell asleep in Transfiguration right on top of his cat.”  
  
“You have to promise not to tell, Lily… I know you won’t, but this could get us – well, them – in way more trouble than usual.”  
  
“I promise.”  
  
“They’re illegal animagi.”  
  
Lily’s mouth dropped open. “That’s so impressive! You must have been doing highly advanced magic – that was fourth and fifth year – how long did – _Prongs? Wormtail?_ Are those based on their animal forms? Let me guess, a rat, for Peter?”  
  
Remus nodded, grinning proudly at her reaction and at his friends’ brilliance. He was so grateful when they told him what they were doing, he broke down and cried, to which they all hug attacked him again, lead fearlessly by Sirius. He also thought the nicknames were a bit too obvious and was glad they mostly kept them to themselves and Lily, and a few other Gryffindors. If they were too widely known, what was the point of putting their nicknames right on their map, the best mischief-making device of all time?  
  
“And Prongs,” Lily continued, “he must be something with antlers. A deer?”  
  
“Right again!”  
  
“And…” Lily suddenly turned pale. “Is Sirius… Padfoot… a big black dog?”  
  
“Yeah, how did you know he was black? Have you seen him?”  
  
“I’m so sorry, Remus, I didn’t know… I had that conversation with James out past the Quidditch pitch, and he had a huge black dog with him. He tried to get rid of him before I talked about you and Sirius, but I didn’t know…”  
  
Now it was Remus’ turn to pause. He should have put together what happened so much sooner; he knew Sirius and James were on a walk, he knew Sirius liked to run as Padfoot when his emotions were too much, he knew Lily talked to James and Sirius had gone to the Room of Requirement… but he was glad he hadn’t put it together before now. It seemed like so much less of a big deal after all that had happened since then.  
  
“It’s alright, Lily, you’re fine.” Remus could tell Lily was upset at herself by the scent of smoke, but he couldn’t be mad at her, she hadn’t known. And James was truly terrible at making up excuses. “What did you tell him?”  
  
“I told him you were bi… I’ve talked to James about that, I really didn’t mean to tell him, I thought you would have said already, since they already knew about your Lycanthropy. I’m sorry about that too. I told him that you liked Sirius’ new smell, and I may have said that I think you have a crush on him…”  
  
Remus almost laughed. Lily had told Sirius (accidentally) that she thought he liked him, and then… that night, Sirius had let Remus feel that he loved him, and had gotten off in his own bed, letting Remus smell him. When he knew he liked it.  
  
And then, after telling James that in front of Sirius, Lily had continued to push them together.  
  
“You were right. Lily, I have to go tell him.”  
  
“Okay, I did not know that that was where this conversation was headed, but go for it, Remus! _Moony_, fucking Merlin, your name is _Moony_, why didn’t I put that together beforehand? Anyway, you got this, you can do it!” Lily cheered him on as he shoved his books back into his bag, barely unpacked from when he first sat down in the library.  
  
In no time at all, he was headed back to the dormitory, where he could find the map to see where Sirius was. He passed James and Peter playing some sort of multi-tiered version of wizard’s chess in the common room, which he knew could take a long time. He considered just asking James, who waved at him – he would probably know where Sirius was, anyway – but instead, he went up the stairs and finally to the seventh-year boys room.  
  
When he got in the door, heart pounding with newfound determination, the smell of crisp apples almost hit him in the face. His first instinct was to look at Sirius’ bed, but it was empty, with the map lying open to show the path from the library to the tower. Past that, he could see the tips of Sirius’ long black hair spreading out _on his own pillow_, and the rest of Sirius’ form hidden under Remus’ blankets.  
  
“_Sirius,_” Remus breathed, stepping further into the room. Sirius was in his bed. Sirius was horny. Sirius was horny _in his bed_, and _knew he liked it_, and Remus absolutely knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all that night with a scent like that all over his pillows. Which may have been Sirius’ plan.  
  
“Moony.” Sirius’ reply was breathy too, and his scent had a hint of something unpleasant – mold, perhaps? He was nervous.  
  
Remus meant to go and comfort him, but when he went to pull back the covers from Sirius’ head the crisp apple scent was so strong that what ended up coming out of his mouth was almost a growl; “_You are driving me crazy._” His fingers had ended up in Sirius’ hair, and although he probably hadn’t been comforting in the slightest, the nerves were almost gone.  
  
“What do you want, Moony love?” Sirius was grinning at him, devouring him with his eyes. Remus couldn’t stop staring at the greyish silver, his perfect eyes, his lovely face. His soft hair.  
  
“I – I want – Sirius, you know what I want…” Remus couldn’t focus enough to think. Sirius was right here, wanting him, in his bed. Sirius, whose mouth was slightly open, who smelled like the best candy in the world, who was leaning in towards Remus’ hand in his hair. Telling Sirius he loved him could come later. “Let me touch you.”  
  
“_Please._” Sirius almost whispered, and Remus was lost.


	12. Sirius: I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly smut, just an fyi! Sorry I didn't tag this story as having smut sooner. Idk if I was supposed to, I'm new and not really sure how this works. Please enjoy to your comfort!

Step one: get Remus by himself, preferably in the dormitory.  
  
Sirius enlisted James’ help with this, who was relieved Sirius was going to do something, _finally_, to stop this tension. It was James’ idea to get Peter started on a game of 3D chess; they both knew that a game between the two of them would take a fairly long time, and James could keep Peter away as long as necessary after that.  
  
It was Sirius’ idea to use the map to see when Remus was going to come back from studying with Lily, which James pointed out might take any amount of time; neither of them knew if Remus had talked to Lily alone since she had talked to James in front of Padfoot. Sirius was sort of hoping he never knew that that conversation was overheard, although that might not be fair.  
  
Remus started back from the library much quicker than either of them expected, and James engaged Peter easily.  
  
Step two: do something that Remus couldn’t easily ignore but could still reject if he wanted to.  
  
As much as Sirius loved and trusted James, he couldn’t ask for his advice about this. He planned on crawling into Remus’ bed with nothing on, and then chickened out into wearing James’ elastic Quidditch shorts. Maybe that was still too revealing? It didn’t matter much anyway; he could quickly put on some robes if it made Remus uncomfortable.  
  
As Sirius settled in Remus’ bed to wait, he couldn’t help but think of that beautiful boy there with him, preferably similarly dressed, or with less. He could smell Remus all around him, and he loved it – he knew Remus’ sense of smell was much stronger than his, but he could still smell his friend on the bedsheets around him.  
  
Step two-point-five: try to get Remus to touch him.  
  
He knew Remus liked the smell of his arousal; Lily had said he wanted to taste him. He knew Remus liked the way he smelled enough to try to seduce him, because that lollipop thing had _definitely_ been on purpose. And it had _worked_. Sirius couldn’t keep the thoughts of his lips out of his head.  
  
He almost had to laugh at them, at what people might think; Sirius was the charismatic one, he was the loud one, the pretty boy. And yet here he was, trying to seduce Remus by lying in his bed, with the covers pulled up over his head. And there Remus was, sucking on a lollipop on the main street in Hogsmeade and over and over again right behind his eyelids, and doing so with a ridiculous degree of success. Who would have thought?  
  
It was with those images in his head Sirius heard footsteps coming through the door of the dorm, and Remus’ voice speaking his name so softly it made him shiver. He didn’t think so, but could Remus be annoyed with him?  
  
“Moony.” On the other hand, his voice was so _hot_.  
  
Remus stripped the cover from his head, but not past his shoulders. Sirius didn’t know how he would react when he saw he wasn’t wearing anything but a thin piece of athletic wear, but if it was anything like what was currently in his eyes, it would be fantastic. Remus looked more intense than Sirius had ever seen him, his golden eyes raking over his face. “_You are driving me crazy_.”  
  
Remus’ _fingers_ were driving him crazy, wrapped through his hair with care and with something like _possession_, as if he wanted to tug. Sirius was melting.  
  
“What do you want, Moony love?” Sirius knew something was going to happen, something _had_ to happen, and he knew that Remus would stop if Sirius wanted him to. Not that he would ever want him to stop, he could do _anything_ to him right now and he would be deliriously happy.  
  
“I – I want – Sirius, you know what I want…” Sirius could guess, but there were more than a few things he thought Remus might like to do. Watching Remus come apart was better than he imagined. Watching his face as he looked at Sirius was a dream. “Let me touch you.”  
  
“_Please_.” He had wanted that for so long.  
  
Remus brought his hands to Sirius’ face as if he couldn’t help himself, crawling onto the bed and straddling him over the blankets. Remus’ kiss was like fire, traveling through the nape of his neck and down his spine, into a pool of heat in the pit of his stomach. It started with closed lips, but soon Remus was licking into his mouth, fingers running through his hair and drawing him ever closer.  
  
Sirius’ arms were somewhat trapped under the blankets, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind. He wouldn’t mind being held down by Remus at all – he felt loved, and cared for, and he knew that if he was the slightest bit uncomfortable Remus would let him go. He felt safe.  
  
Remus’ kisses traveled down his jaw and neck. His mouth was hot and warm, and Sirius couldn’t quite tell if they were open kisses or licks. He couldn’t really bring himself to care; either way, it was electrifying.  
  
“Remus, love, not that I mind, but I can’t move my arms… I want to touch you too…”  
  
Remus smiled into Sirius’ skin and shifted back enough to pull the covers down, managing to free his arms and press their hips together at once. Sirius could tell Remus was surprised at his lack of shirt, but his gasp could also have been because their hard lengths were now pressed together, unfortunately through several layers of bedding.  
  
Sirius couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips, and he reached up to run his hands through Remus’ beautiful curly hair. He had meant to pull Remus back down to kiss him more, but the noises that were now coming from Remus caused his hips to thrust up almost involuntarily, and it was heavenly.  
  
“It looks like you’re wearing too many clothes, Moony,” Sirius joked. “It’s kind of warm in here.”  
  
Remus grinned at him. “If that’s the case, you should probably take off the rest of the covers, too, you look… hot.” Remus’ gaze down his chest allowed for no mistakes in interpreting the word “hot”.  
  
Sirius was delighted that he asked, but still slightly disappointed at the sudden lack of pressure on his groin as Remus sat up to give him space. He pushed down the covers to the bottom of the bed, and then laid back down, hoping that Remus would return to his previous position. Optimally, without his cloak.  
  
Instead, Remus kept kneeling at the bottom of the bed, staring almost dazedly at the black elastic shorts that gave a clear outline of Sirius’ erection.  
  
“Is this alright?” Sirius was up on his elbows in an instant, worried that he had made Remus uncomfortable.  
  
“Yes!” Remus almost shouted. “Yes, yes, yes, don’t you dare worry, yes, yes, _please_, yes!” He kept up this stream of affirmations as he tore his cloak off, almost losing balance as he was still on his knees. “Yes, _Sirius_…”  
  
Remus had finally removed his cloak and was left with just his briefs. Sirius had felt how hard Remus was just a moment ago but _seeing_ the outline of his dick through the thin material was another turn-on all together. Not to mention seeing the rest of him – his beautiful legs, his cleanly defined muscle. His shoulders and neck, graceful and powerful. Sirius wanted to kiss every scar, to kiss his delicious lips again.  
  
“Then come back here. _Please_, since we’re asking nicely,” said Sirius, relieved, lying back down and pulling Remus to rest on top of him again, now with only two thin layers of fabric separating them. Remus moaned, and this time it was _his_ hips that were moving them together.  
  
“I’ve wanted this for such a long time, Moony.” Although, that was a bit false; he had never dreamed up anything as fantastic as Remus’ skin pressed up against his.  
  
“Me too…” Remus leaned down and licked his neck, gently. “Is this okay? I know it’s not… normal.”  
  
“Yes, Remus, I’ve wanted you to do that for so long… _Please._” Sirius knew he would have to explain himself eventually, that Lily had accidentally told him what Remus wanted, but for right now, he hoped his encouragement would be enough. He wanted Remus to do anything he wanted. He wanted Remus to lose control.  
  
Remus seemed happy to oblige him. He kissed Sirius’ lips, tongue dipping briefly into his mouth before kissing and licking his neck, pausing for a second to suck on a spot just behind his jaw and under his ear that made Sirius moan.  
  
Sirius didn’t _mean_ to be thrusting up against Remus; if this went on for too much longer, he was going to come in his pants. Remus’ moans echoed his, their hips rolling together with purpose. It was almost a relief when Remus pulled away to kiss and lick down his chest.  
  
Remus’ hot breath and tongue felt heavenly against his skin, shooting sparks down his spine. The kisses verged on ticklish, but he wouldn’t have stopped Remus for anything, not with where his lips were headed.  
  
Remus paused at the waistband of Sirius’ shorts. His breath was hot, and Sirius’ dick twitched in response. Not for the first time, Sirius wished he could tell what Remus was feeling too – he wanted this, he wanted Remus’ mouth, but more than that he wanted Remus to feel safe and wanted. He wanted Remus to feel loved.  
  
“You can do anything you want to me. Or nothing, or whatever you want, Remus, I…” _I love you_. Was it too soon to say that? He had been calling Remus “love”, and he felt it, for sure, but maybe that should wait.  
  
“I’ve never done anything like this before, Sirius, I just… I want you.” Remus looked nervous, but his eyes were still on Sirius’ bulge, and he looked… hungry.  
  
“I want you too. If that wasn’t obvious already,” Sirius said with half a laugh.  
  
“Let me…” Remus started, and then slowly slipped his fingers into Sirius’ waistband. Sirius lifted his hips up slightly, and then his dick was free, and Remus pulled the shorts gently off his hips and over his feet. Remus was staring at him, and his hands drifted back up Sirius’ legs, over his thighs… onto his erection.  
  
Sirius couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips, and he was surprised to hear a responding one from Remus. “You like it that much?”  
  
“I wasn’t lying. You, like this, drives me crazy. Do you know how hard it was to keep my hands off of you in Hogsmeade?” Remus was leaning close, stroking him slowly. “I had to sit on the opposite side of the table from you. I would have wanted…”  
  
Remus’ tongue slowly traced Sirius’ dick, licking from the root to the tip. Sirius’ head fell back onto the pillow; he had to look away from Remus’ lips and focus. He wanted to enjoy this.  
  
Remus pulled Sirius into his mouth, sucking and circling him with his tongue while he gently cupped his balls in one hand. Sirius had never felt anything so good in his life, and he couldn’t get control of his breath. Remus seemed to be similarly affected; when Sirius looked down at him again, he had his own dick pulled out of his pants and was running his other hand along it lightly.  
  
Sirius thought for a second about trying to find a way to get Remus into his mouth at the same time – he knew that’s how he wanted Remus to end up, but he wasn’t sure if the logistics would work out in this bed, not to mention with Remus looking at him like that, moaning like that, sucking him like that. He couldn’t do it. He felt like he was on fire, like if this continued, he would explode, or shatter, or glow.  
  
“Moony… love, I’m going to –” was all Sirius could get out before Remus took as much of him into his mouth as possible, and Sirius came so hard he could almost see stars.  
  
When he could think again, he noticed Remus casting cleaning charms on their sheets and his hands. “That was fantastic, Rem…”  
  
Sirius got a quick grin in response, and then he was standing next to the bed, stripping the rest of the way out of his briefs. “I… I need…”  
  
Sirius could see Remus’ dick was as hard as ever, leaking precum. It was skinnier than Sirius’, but it looked longer too, and Sirius wanted to touch it, wanted to lick it. “Come here, let’s switch positions.”  
  
“I won’t last long, Sirius…”  
  
“Then come here and fuck my mouth.” Sirius knelt on the side of the bed, looking up at Remus, and hoped he could tell that he really wanted it.  
  
Remus didn’t take much convincing. He stepped closer, and then he was in his mouth. Remus’ skin was extremely soft, and he was harder than Sirius thought possible for pausing for so long. Remus pushed Sirius’ hair out of his face and thrust into Sirius’ mouth hesitantly, and when Sirius gave no resistance, the fingers through Sirius’ hair and tugged gently. Sirius could taste the precum coming from Remus, but he didn’t mind – he was overwhelmed by how much he loved Remus, how much he wanted this to happen, and the salty flavor wasn’t bad. Remus picked up speed and depth, seeming to know exactly where was too deep and keeping Sirius comfortable. He loved it.  
  
Remus came quickly, warning him with a moaned “_Sirius_”, and then when Sirius pushed forward to keep him in his mouth, spilled over into a mess of shaking limbs and grasping hands, using Sirius’ shoulders for support. He kept him in his mouth until the shaking had, for the most part, stopped, and then slowly released him with kisses up his stomach. This time, Remus was the puddle while Sirius performed the cleaning spells.  
  
Sirius guided Remus into bed with him. They fell into the comfortable position they had the other day, with Sirius on his back and Remus’ arm around him, head on his shoulder. Sirius felt so happy he could burst, he felt so much love for the boy in his arms. _His Moony_.  
  
“I love you.” Remus’ voice was weak, sounding close to sleep. Sirius laughed, and cleared away their cloths and closed the curtains with a flick of his wand.  
  
“Can you tell I love you, too? Can you smell it?”  
  
“Yes. It’s delicious.”  
  
Sirius was almost delirious with happiness. “I want to be with you. When we move into our apartment in London, I want to sleep with you every night. I mean, not even sexually, I just want to hold you, like this… although, I wouldn’t mind the other way too…”  
  
Remus smiled into his shoulder. “_Our_ apartment.”  
  
“Yes. _Our_ apartment.” Sirius leaned down to kiss Remus’ curls. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him.  
  
“That sounds perfect… what will James and Peter think?”  
  
“James is the one keeping Peter out of this room right now, and Peter… will love it. He’ll be fine.”  
  
“Perfect.”  
  
Sirius wanted to tell him he loved him about five hundred more times. He wanted to talk to him about everything that had happened in the past few weeks, about his conversations with James, about Lily. He wanted to listen to Remus talk about dark creatures, and he wanted to tell Remus about the new invention he was thinking about for wizard storytelling based on a muggle television.  
  
But Remus was falling asleep, here in his arms, and they had the rest of their lives to talk. For right now, they had each other.  
  
_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I wrote so much in just a few months! Thank you everyone for reading, it makes me so happy <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first work, ever! And probably the very first creative writing I've done in more than ten years. If you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them! I hope to be writing more.


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